I am paying my son's rent and feeding him and his fiance and my grandson and my son is adhd and refuses to work, he has no desire to work and I am the one who is doing everything and he doesn't appriciate it but I am worried that my grandson will suffer if I do not help. I had to sign the lease for them to get the apartment and now I am the only one who pays the rent because I can't afford to mess up my credit. I thought I was helping them and now I feel taken advantage of and bullied. I don't know how to stop the helping. It is obvious to me that my son could care less if he used me and my income totally up. He has no ambition, no drive, and has lived like this since he graduated from high school in 2003. I don't want this to continue, he is throwing away his life, sitting around doing nothing. I am worried who will care for my grandson if I don't help him?
Q: my adhd son will not work and also has a baby of his own i am trapped doing it all help
Hi Kathy,
I am no expert, but I managed to get two kids past the point of pubertyand they lived to tell about it! However, my brother, 4 years younger than me, is very much in the same boat as your son. My brother had learning disabilities in school and never finished as a result. ADHD, ADD and other conditions were not recognized well 20+ years ago. He would work sometimes, and other times he wouldn't. He had 2 little girls (now ages 10 and 11) and never took care of them. I paid my brothers house payment several times and then one day I just said enough. I have my own bills and I can not pay yours. He lost his house eventually and it caused him to have to get out there and do something. My daughter has the two girls. (they are the same age as my granddaughter) and I am still funneling money but it is going strictly for the girls.
You are in a different situation where you are concerned about your credit on the apartment. That's understandable, but maybe you should speak to the rental manager and see if there is something they can do to help you protect your credit while allowing you to back off and make your son earn his keep. I would tell your son he has X amount of days to get a job and get back on his feet because you are no longer footing the bill.
I am curious what does his girlfriend think? Is she content to just lay around all the time too? Do you think there is more than a motivational issue going on?
Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!
Vicki M
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