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13 Tips for Dealing With Your Kid’s ADHD

First, find a therapist. Then set limits, be clear with your instructions, and reinforce positive behavior.

It’s the morning weekday rush to get ready for school, and your child with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is running around the house (doing you’re not sure what), while breakfast gets cold and the arrival of the school bus looms. Or, maybe school’s out for the afternoon and homework time has begun—as have your daily efforts to get your child to sit still and focus. Behavioral challenges are common in ADHD households. How do you manage them so your child can thrive? Two ADHD experts offer solutions.


Find an ADHD Therapist

Your first step is getting the right parental support—a therapist. “That therapist can help you set up the day for success, looking at how you structure the morning routine and how you motivate your child to do all those different steps,” says Irene Koolwijk, M.D., a developmental behavioral pediatrician who specializes in ADHD at UCLA Health in Los Angeles. A therapist can help with behavioral parent training, which addresses the unique challenges of your situation and your child. “As a parent, you must find out what works with your child. That’s why it’s important to have the therapy support,” says Dr. Koolwijk.


Surprised? The Therapy Is for You

Keep in mind that you, not your child, will work with the therapist. “This often takes families by surprise because they come in thinking it’s a child’s behaviors that need to be addressed, not the family as a whole,” says psychologist Michael Flores, Ph.D., an ADHD expert at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, OH. The therapist, says Dr. Flores, “teaches families to identify ‘pressure points’ during the day, where a child is more likely to display disruptive behaviors and applying specific interventions for this situation to reduce the possibility of escalated behavioral difficulties.”


Expect a Ton of Distractions

Such pressure points can be ubiquitous. Homework may drag on longer than it should, for example, because your child’s attention drifts. Your child may have trouble staying in bed after you call “lights out,” or talk incessantly instead of eat at the dinner table. Or they may not follow the rules in games, miss important directions, or just rush through things, Flores says. All of these are common scenarios, he adds. And they can shift with age. “Symptoms, and how they manifest behaviorally, often change as a child grows,” he explains. One crucial step you can take: establish routines.


Establish a Routine With Breaks

“Kids thrive on routine,” says Dr. Koolwijk. “It helps clarify expectations.” So, your elementary school kid comes home from school. What’s next? You need a plan that gets your child from school bus to bedtime, step by step. “Think about the order in which you do things,” she suggests. It will take trial and error to find what works best for you and your child. Set a homework schedule, and be sure to include breaks. “It’s important for kids with attentional challenges to recharge,” she adds. Think about 15 minutes of work at a time for an elementary school child—shorter or longer if younger or older—with short breaks in between, she advises.


Learn How to Best Manage Schoolwork

Another tip from Dr. Koolwijk: Get your child’s least favorite homework done first. “If math is harder, finish math first, and then they’re done with it.” Also, break assignments into manageable pieces. This will help them develop organizational skills, which often are a challenge for kids with ADHD. And expect to keep a close eye on things, especially at first. “Some kids need someone sitting right next to them but then over the years, you want to teach them study skills so that they can more and more independently complete assignments,” says Dr. Koolwijk.


It's Up to You to Make Good Habits Stick

Keep in mind that the routines you set up need to be reinforced. Left alone, your child likely won’t stick with them. Try using a checklist paired with a reward system. That checklist can be a visual overview with pictures for younger kids or a simple written schedule or sequence for older kids. It will be a reminder and guide to do things like brush teeth, bathe, put on pajamas, and more. “Routines mean fewer commands, which means fewer things for kids to try to remember and less likelihood they will forget something that ends up frustrating themselves,” says Flores.


Remember to Reward Good Behavior

“Some type of reward system is an essential element to any behavior modification system,” says Flores. “With ADHD in particular, rewards serve as a tangible, external reinforcer and motivator.” Often, kids with ADHD have trouble completing tasks they find boring or labor-intensive (think: homework and household chores), so they get restless and act out. Helping them with motivation is key. Remember, your child is not lazy, says Flores. Their ADHD simply makes them less likely to motivate themselves. “This is where rewards come in,” he explains.


Give Rewards Often and in the Moment

What kind of reward works best? That depends on your child. It may be adding a sticker to a sticker chart, an extra dose of screen time, or some other small treat. “We use [rewards] to try to get them into a certain routine, to learn a behavior skill, and then you fade out the reward system, because you don’t want kids just to work for rewards,” says Dr. Koolwijk. Rewards also should be both frequent and timely. “They’re not going to be motivated every day for something they’ll get way at the end of the week.”


Use Praise as a Motivator

What earns a reward? “Rewards can be structured and tied to specific behaviors, or they can be unstructured and more spontaneous,” says Dr. Flores. Take one or two behaviors that your child struggles with and set up a reward system to encourage the behavior you’d like to see, he suggests. Then heap on the praise. Did your child wait for you to finish talking rather than interrupting? Acknowledge it! “Say: ‘I really like how you waited your turn before talking’,” advises Flores. “The more easily children know what to do, the more likely it is they will do it again.”


Focus on the Positive

Focus your feedback and attention on positivity as much as possible, advises Dr. Koolwijk. “When kids get in trouble a lot, they get attention for that, so be very careful as a parent about where you put your attention,” she says. Ignore the little negative things, then reinforce the positive with praise and support. This helps them feel better about themselves. “Sometimes they get much more negative feedback from parents, from teachers and people in the community,” Dr. Koolwijk says. “Be careful not to place too much negative attention on negative behaviors.”


Establish Your Priorities

Dr. Flores says that keeping track of too many requests can be hard for kids, especially those with ADHD. To help, give instructions that you really want your child to pay attention to, and make commands that are both specific and action-oriented, not vague, advises Flores. Don’t just say, “Clean up,” for example. Walk them through your specific expectations—“fold your clothes and put them in a drawer”—so they’re clear and understood. “Children diagnosed with ADHD tend to be very literal and put forth limited effort in undesirable tasks to consider them complete,” he explains.


You, Too, Need to Be Flexible

If the routine that you’ve established does not work, or some new challenge arises—and one will!—brainstorm with your therapist about the best way to adjust, advises Dr. Koolwijk. “This is trial and error, so there should be some flexibility,” she adds. Also, remember to make space for your child’s interests. “Find things they really like to do and our passionate about and reinforce those areas and have time for that,” she says. “Even for five to 10 minutes a day, have the child lead. Encourage them in what they’re doing and follow along.”


Be Ready to Treat Other Mental Health Issues

Keep in mind that your child’s behavior may not be driven only by ADHD. The disorder often goes hand-in-hand with other difficulties. Depression and anxiety are common, especially in older kids with ADHD, and so are learning disorders that present challenges for reading, writing, and math, says Dr. Koolwijk. “They may be acting up because they’re having a hard time with their reading skills,” she says. “If we put intense support into their reading, they’re behavior tends to improve.” But don’t just address behavior. Talk to your child’s pediatrician to be sure every concern is being addressed.


This article was originally published August 9, 2013 and most recently updated June 6, 2022.