·        Getting ready for school

·        Completing homework

·        Completing Chores

·        Bath time

·        Getting ready for bed 

Create Choices

Once you have a list, determine a few choices that you can give your child in each situation. These choices must place the responsibility of doing the right thing back to your child, with clear consequences for each choice.

For example, several years ago I received an email from a mother struggling with her 5-year old son each morning. She was a working mother and there were two other children in the household. By the time they were getting breakfast and ready for school, her husband had already left for work. Mornings were hectic trying to get everyone out the door and to school on time. The five-year old son decided he no longer wanted to get dressed on his own, even though he had been dressing himself for months. He would cry, throw tantrums and scream that he could not do this alone. She tried laying out clothes the night before, but it didn’t work. She tried ignoring him but couldn’t afford to continue and be late for work. She knew that he was capable of getting dressed and was worried about giving in to his tantrum by helping him get dressed each morning. Mornings before school were becoming difficult at best and a major scene at worst.  Each morning she would yell, each morning he would defiantly sit and look at his clothes, refusing to put them on. 

 One morning, she decided to end the power struggle. Calmly, she explained that he had a choice. He could get dressed or he could go to school in his pajamas. She then walked out of the room and continued her routine and getting the other children ready for school. The young child sat in his room screaming. He would not get dressed. Every 5 minutes, she calmly (even though she was upset inside) told him how much time remained until he would have to go to school in his pajamas if he chose not to get dressed. She ignored his screams; she did not feed into the tantrum. He did not believe she would go through with her threat. The first morning, she actually picked him up and began to carry him to the car in his pajamas. He was horrified and quickly got dressed. After that morning, when she was ready to leave the house, he was at the back door, dressed and ready to go.