This situation was quickly solved, although not all power struggles can be resolved after one stand from the parents. After months of allowing children to control the situation, they become used to their power and will often fight before relinquishing it. However, by refusing to participate in the arguments, parents take that power away from the children. By offering choices, they take control back Children have the power to disrupt the situation through tantrums when parents allow them to.
Choose Consequences Carefully It is important to provide choices but make sure you are prepared to carry out any threats you may make. If you make empty threats, your children will know and they will retain the power in the cycle. If you are not willing to pick up your child and bring them to school in their pajamas, don’t threaten to. Once you have decided on the choices you will give your child, stick to them and practice your self-control. You need to speak calmly and without raising your voice. If you need to walk away, leave the room, or wait outside for the tantrum to subside. Always remember an argument can only happen if there is more than one person. With just one person, it is simply a temper tantrum.
Some examples of choices to give your children:
- You can do your homework, or tomorrow I will walk into school with you to let your teacher know why your homework is not completed.
- You can get dressed, or you can go out exactly as you are.
- You can clean your room, or you can sit home while your friends go out.
- You can clean up the dishes, or you can sit with no TV tonight.
- You can be pleasant at the dinner table, or you can leave the room and eat your dinner alone, after we are finished.
- You can be nice to your brother/sister or you can sit in the chair by yourself.
- You may pick up your toys, or I will put them in a box and put them away for 1 week.
Always reiterate to your child that their behavior is their choice. They will reap the rewards or deal with the consequences of their behavior. As difficult as it may be, do not yell or do not talk to them after the choice has been given. Let them struggle with the decision of which choice to make.
