Try to use this technique as often as possible. The more often you change how you react to your child, the easier it will become. You will begin to see your child’s strengths, rather than focusing on their weaknesses. Your child will also notice the difference and where they once did not seem to try, they will make more attempts at pleasing you. This will not change overnight, however, and it may take several weeks to see the difference.
2) Focus on One Behavior
There may be many things about your child that you want to work on improving. They may be talking back, not completing homework, not completing chores, antagonizing brothers and sisters or not listening. In order to make change lasting, you need to focus on one behavior at a time. Although it is hard to ignore the rest of the behaviors, remember you are not really ignoring, but you are placing them on the back burner temporarily. Choose the one behavior that seems to most disrupt family life (or school work).
Once you have chosen the behavior to start with, be specific. Decide exactly what the end result you want is, and break it down into steps, if possible. Define your acceptable behavior. For example, if you have chosen the behavior of completing homework and handing it in, list exactly how you are going to accomplish this and what is required. Maybe you want your child to follow a specific schedule, such as one half hour after school to unwind, and then begin on homework. Maybe you want them to organize their work in a certain way, so that completed homework is easy to find and hand in. Maybe you want the teacher to check and make sure homework assignments are correctly written each day. Create an action plan based on your child’s needs. Target the behavior as much as possible but make sure your goals are realistic. Try to set up the plan of action to insure successes for your child. Write down what behavior you have chosen, what steps to take and what responsibilities you and your child will have.
