While I have grandchildren who suffer from these same very real, very dangerous allergies, I encourage all parents of allergic children to FIGHT to maintain a sense of not only understanding, but fairness in their reactions to thoughtlessness from the general public regarding this issue, PARTICULARLY IN THE PRESENCE OF THEIR ALLERGIC CHILDREN.
What I have observed is THAT and ONLY that - thoughtLESSness - not indifference, not malice, and certainly not meanness toward our precious little allergic ones. I have also observed my son and daughter-in-law wisely guard their words and body language as they explain to their little girls that this is just the way it is, no one means anything by it, and here is our alternative. It's like the girls get the simple picture, accept it, and go on without harboring ill feelings against their friends and teachers.
It has meant the difference between added difficulty for our babies and a simply easier life for them all - in spite of the fear, the bother, and the time/finance consumption.
Choose. As difficult as it is, it truly is still a choice you make as a parent with the very best interest of your little children as the compass of your actions. Your children are alertly watching you and will take THEIR cues from YOU on this one.
As a mom of 3 non-allergic kids I wish other parents would calmly speak up and explain their child's situation to me rather than just assume I am being inconsiderate or don't care. Allergies are not a part of my life so I admit I don't automatically take them into consideration. When I do know that a child in my kid's class or coming to my house has special dietary needs whether due to allergys, diabetes, religion, preference etc. I am more than willing to do what is necessary to make sure they have what they need and don't feel left out. Yes, my kids can live without meat or a cupcake if necessary :). Things like setting bowls of nuts and candy around I often do automatically and would move them ASAP if someone needed me to. I figure most people are like me and didn't think about allergies too much before they became a part of life. I don't give my child a peanut butter sandwich to harm another child, PLEASE explain, educate and help me understand rather then jump to the conclusion that I don't care!
You are rare and God bless you for your attempts to help! But please understand that you are RARE!!
All too often, a parent of a food allergy child is condemned and after years of dealing with the snide comments, we do get upset. We get so used to all the negative nonsense and so rarely come across a parent like you that we don't always say thank you. So, on behalf of my children and all the kids you do all those precautions for, THANK YOU!!
The following scenario is more typical:
My husband ran to the store one evening and there was a woman in front of him. She was complaining very loudly to anyone and everyone who would listen that here she was, in the store at that hour, shopping for a lunch for her son bc "some kid in his class supposedly has an allergy to peanuts," stressing the "supposedly". She said it was rediculous that just bc some kid can't eat something, her son has to do without his favorite lunch. She continued to complain, loudly. Then, she did something that opened the door. She turned to my husband and asked him, "Can you believe the stupidity?!" He calmly looked her in the eyes and said, "What I find rediculous are people like you who don't understand that one wiff of that favorite peanut butter sandwich will kill my daughters. And parents like you who don't understand that while your child has to give up their favorite sandwich for a day, my children can never even smell it or they risk dying. THAT, Maam, is what I find stupid." She promptly shut her mouth and hurried to finish ringing up, even throwing her items into shopping bags, and rushed from the store. My husband could see the smirks on several other shoppers' faces.
So, while we do run into those who are understanding and will do anything to keep our kids safe, often, we have to deal with people who are like this woman, even within our own families.
I myself have been accused of over-reacting bc our oldest does not react immediately to nuts. Yet she does react. If she's not treated, she could die. Our older 2 girls have both been hospitalized with reactions to peanuts. Our youngest has never had a nut bc we worry that she may react too. And there is no way to know if she's allergic without first giving her the dreaded nuts. Its terrifying when a simple food is poison.
I have also been to the homes of family members who have slapped down a tray of brownies with some kind of chip in the middle of the food and stated, "I dont know if these are peanut butter or butterscotch chips. You'll have to figure it out," as my girls stood right there. Now, HOW could I figure out what they were without tasting one? Um, then, my own breath could kill my daughter. Nope. I'd rather not.
Unfortunately, THAT is the common response we get. So please forgive us if it seems we assume wrongly that there are not caring people out there. I do know first-hand that there are. But caring folks like you are all too few and far between.
I do commend you for joining a site to learn more and speaking up and saying, "Hey, educate me!" In all honesty, bravo!! You are certainly on the right track. And please know, we parents of food allergic kids are more than happy to help educate you on our children's allergies.
Please, do us a favor. You know what kids are allergic better than we know who will be so understanding. And every child reacts differently; our oldest girl only has to smell nuts to react while our middle girl has to actually eat something containing nuts. Ask the kids' parents. You may find you have opened to door to a wonderful friendship. I certainly have become better friends with many who have opened that door with a simple question about my girls' allergy.
Gina, that was beautifully put, and as the parent of a food-allergic second grader (in a public elementary school with over 1000 students), I share your wish list. The only way that there will be one day be a world where our dreams are reality is if we invest the time to educate those in our lives about the serious nature of food allergies.
A safer world for our food-allergic children lies in our hands. If each of us helps to raise the awareness of our families, and then our friends, then our children's friends, and their parents, the school, the counsellors at camp, and so on, we are making advances toward that world we dream of. Like you, I have found that the best approach is educating others in a non-confrontational way. For people who don't live with food allergies every second of every day, it is a hard thing to grasp. But I bet if we keep trying to inform those around us, a safer world for the food allergic child is within our grasp.
In the meantime, educating our food-allergic children about how to keep themselves safe, without missing out on the fun of being a kid, will have to suffice. Finding safe treats safe for our children that they can take with them to those cupcake-burdended class parties and cookie-filled holiday events will help them feel lucky rather than isolated and alone. Those treats are out there! We just have to find them and stock our freezer with them!
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I agree w/ you. I make Goat Milk Gelato because I'm allergic, not serious but very annoying. One of my ice creams has gluten, another has almonds. When I'm making gelato they're at the end of the run, so there's no cross contamination.
Labeling: I'm a very small mfr. & can't afford to trash labels (ea. flavor: $1.200). If I make a major change I note it on package (switched from fructose to agave syrup, I put NOW WITH AGAVE button on lid). Pricing: natural/organic ingredients cost more, flavor costs more than sugar, goat milk costs $6/gal.@ 30 gal min. (not subsidized like cow milk). I'm a small mfr. & don't have economy of scale, the big guys do. Just lowered my prices so a pint of Gelati di Capri should be available for about $5.99 Check my web site: www.gelatidicapri.com for retail outlets. I wish I had a solution (it's probably $$$) to these problems.
Bob Bada, Pres., Gelati di Capri