Alzheimer's Caregiver Lament -- I can't take her out because she eats with her hands.

Hi Bob, I'm somewhat new to this site and pleased to see that with you and Bill, I'm not alone as a male caregiver or care coordinator, as things currently stand.  My mother with "unspecified dementia" has some other eating habits that are a challenge for dining out.  She has a habit of knocking over her drink due to constant fidgeting with other objects on the table.  Worse perhaps, is when she spits out a mouthful of food onto her plate or napkin.  On a recent occasion, she had been eating prime rib that I had carefully cut up for her into small bites with some Brussels sprouts.  Ten minutes into the meal, she leaned forward and spit out a golf ball sized lump of well chewed food.  This completely ruined the meal of a person dining nearby. To be fair, I do have to be considerate of others when dining with mom in public.  I don't want her to be embarrassed by someone else's misunderstanding about her behavior.  She is confused enough without dealing with potentially awkward public situations.  The outdoor meal at a fast food restaurant is a very good suggestion.  I will certainly give it a try, although mom is likely to want to dine in a much nicer establishment!  It will have to wait until warmer weather, though.  Good post! -- Joe             

Hi Bob,

 My name is Bill, Hi to you too Joe!

 I can find many reasons to not take mom into public. I pretty much ignor everyone of them when it comes to my mom. If I do get the chance to take her to a restaraunt, if I feel she will bother others I will face her towards me. I do this anyway but I also let the sever and maybe others next to us about moms illness. I guess I should have said use to.. Mom has other problems and this keeps us from going out.

 No, I don't want to offend others and I don't. But I do treat my mom like a lady no matter what!

 I am finding more male companions as caregivers, at first it was hard on me. Still is but now I get insight to how other males deal with thier situations.

 I have found myself helping other more and more, I have drifted away from this site some but am glad I checked in tonight.

 Just remember, your mom still deserves the best! no matter what!

 Hope to chat with you more.

HUGS

Bill

 Just got back from the reading room.   WOW.. Great information there. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 I can never get enough reading on this disease.

I also just watched the "memory bridge" on PBS.  memorybridge.org

cool stuff going on this world.

 Bob, Thanks for sharing your time with us.

Bob - your atitude is enlightening. I wish I could be more like you. But then my Mom (only 71) is currently in Home Hospice as she has breast cancer that has spread to her bone, pancreas, liver and lungs.  The dementia has gotten so much worse and becasue of the anxiety, she is now medicated so much it is so sad to see.  It is either medicate her or she is anxious and cryng and shaking. Then there was the getting up and wandering at 0230 in the morning and taking everything out of the drawers and cupboards, tearing up her bed....  I'm at my wits end and it has only been 3 months since it has gotten this bad. This morning I went to her room to find that she had gotten up in the middle of the night and peed on the carpet. Bathroom is right there - she is just lost.  Yes, day to day is how we are living now.