As much as I wanted to have my husband go to a facility during the day in the end I couldn't follow through. It's a wonderful place near our home and I know he would eventually really enjoy the company of others but right now he is so afraid to be away from me for any length of time. Our kids tell me that I just need to toughen up and do it but they live in England & Nevada and we are in Houston. Our friends don't understand why as well and at times I question my decision. A week before Chuck was to go to Inwood he woke me up screaming from a dream that he had going up and down corridors looking for me. He cried and cried. I feel that as this disease progresses it will be easier for him to have seperation. As it is now he comes and goes not knowing who I am but still needing me close.
Talking about our day to day I don't share with friends too much any more unless they specifically ask and then I keep it to a few sentences. Everyone seems to be going on with their day and their own problems seem to be so big. I just want to scream and say I wish to God I had your problems! My husband doesn't know who I am half the time, my partner, lover and friend is gone 90% of the time, the person in his place I don't know and on and on. The isolation is really getting to me.
My goal for today is to find a support group in our town, I need communication outside of this house or I am going to go crazy.
In the middle of the night I had to go to the bathroom no need to put on a light I know where the potty is! Oh God, I wish I had. During the night he woke up, lifted the lid and pee'd all over the seat and floor. Please tell me this isn't a sign of the day ahead! All you can do is laugh. That is how I get through my days with laughter, singing and work.
All our family is out of state and I wish that were not the case. How wonderful it would be if we were all closer. Hopefully in a year we will be in a position to move closer.
