At the beginning, my father-in-law did not want anyone outside to care for him personally. We had no choice about hiring some caregivers because we are too far away. Yes, hiring caregivers seems to be invading and at times the home care nurse would tell me what to think or what to do. In the end, it is the family's choice but the caregivers would be dominant because they are the ones that care for him day in and day out.
On the other hand, I think the professional caregivers don't have the emotional burden like family members have, they can do things neutrally with affection. Sometimes we have to tell them what his habits are. At times, my father-in-law whose memory is very very bad with Alzheimer's are aware of it. But he only allows these 2 ladies and us to help him and change him. He is still guarding for his privacy and would not want the nurse in the hospital to change him when he was in the hospital.
I think professioanl help is good except that you have to pay a lot for it.
Nina
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As my mother's caregiver, I found that I too, at times could be resistant to the very help I so needed and asked for.
I felt invaded. I felt judged. I felt that it was admitting I couldn't do it all, or do it well. I didn't like having strangers coming in my home all the time. I didn't like worrying about whether they were hurting my mother, stealing or something worse.
I share all this because I could rationally address each one of these concerns. I could look at my own heart and what was behind these thoughts. Part of it was control issues. Part of it was admitting how bad the situation was. Part of it was finding the right fit--someone who could make both my mom and me feel safe and cared for.
So, if I, the caregiver was feeling all this--what was my mom feeling?
Both of us needed assurance--and a bit of tenderness and understanding on the side.
~Carol D. O'Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
www.mothering-mother.com