My mother is a proud person. She suffered a brain stem anyuerism at the age of 65, this robbed her of her short term memory and she was still highly funtional - she could do every thing that she did in the past. Drive to familar places take care of her self etc. I noticed a decine a year ago and she repeats herself every 2-3 minutes and makes up stories that are so outrageous to cover up her loss of memory. Every one she passes looks familer to her and she has a story how she knows them. Last winter she caused a 4 car accident. She made an unnauthorized left on the expressway. She was lost and still thinks ot was everyone elses fault. My mothers life has allways been her friends and going to social events. She doesn't like me trying to help her and I know she is not eating properly. She lost 30 pounds in the last 3 years. She is not taking her medication properly , her friends are constantly calling me to do something. I tried to get her to let me get Power of Attorney to help her with her insurance and personal matters. She refuses - she thinks I want to take her money(she has no savings) just her pension and Social security. I filed for Guardianship & Conservatorship my case is tommorow.
I should have done this months ago. I had to wrap my brain around taking someones rights away that you look up to. I know I'm making the right decison. My mother still keeps a clean house and has forgotten how to cook her favorate dishes. She needs someone to check on her daily , make sure she is clean (rotating her clothes) taking her medications,(she is on 2 meds for her memory - but she gets her days mixed up) and eating properly. She will not let me help her. She thinks I'm trying to move her out of her home. I have no family to really help her. I hired a distant relative to check on her 1-2 hours a day and she will not let them in. I took her to her doctor and a neurophycologist, both said she needs help right away but will not give me any medical details because of the HIPPA Law. How can I help her?
As hard as it is to take the necessary legal steps, I think you are making the right decision. My mother also didn't want help (and still doesn't). I described to a friend over the weekend the agonizing challenges that happened two years ago that resulted in my asking for a geriatric psychiatric evaluation for Mom, the diagnosis, and Mom's move to a nursing home. My friend looked me straight in the eye and said, "You made the right decision." I want you to know that you're doing the same for your mom.
I can't tell by your sharepost, but does your mom live near you? Can you talk about her situation with any of her friends who would be able to provide emotional support to her (and possible advice to let you take more of a leadership role) during this difficult period?
The one other "trick" I'd like to share with you that I've learned in dealing with my head-strong mother over the past two years is how to develop conversational strategies to make her feel like she still has some control (even though in reality she has next to none). I'd encourage you to learn how to phrase things so that it appears to be a request, but you've limited the options to ones that you are comfortable with. It provides the appearance that the parent/child power dynamic is still there, but gives you a lot more control of the caregiving situation.
Take care and let us know what happens with your mom.
Dorian
Dorian, thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm stuck in the sandwich generation and it is getting harder to stay on top of everything. I live 2 miles from my mom, I have a little network of my moms friends and neighbours to check on her without her getting suspicious. Her friends are getting very frustated by her and are distancing themselves from her. Her younger sister checks on her once a week. (She is presently taking care of their mother who has had Alzheimer's for 18 years) I learned a lot of tricks from my aunt to get my mom to the doctor by giving her a couple of choices and making her think she is in charge. Her friends told her she needs to let me help her but she doesn't understand, after 2 minutes and changes the subject. I went to court today. I have to go back because my mother refuses to let me or anyone else help her. I may have to resort to telling her she has to move out of my aunts rental property if she doesn't let me help her.