Making Conversation with Dad

"While I'm visiting my dad, I really struggle to hold a conversation with him.  Do you have any advice?"

As Alzheimer's progresses conversations can become more difficult.  As a person with Alzheimer's begins to notice gaps in his memory, or has trouble understanding questions, he will withdraw from social situations that may become uncomfortable.   As the disease progresses, care givers must learn to rely on non-verbal body language in order to anticipate the needs and wants of their loved ones with dementia.

Try these tips to encourage conversations:

• Pick a topic of interest that you know your dad enjoyed during his 20's-50's - for example, fishing.

• Choose materials such as old photos of fish, free fishing guides available at most bait shops and a tackle box. These items can be used for cueing.

• Talk about the items:
  • "Dad, look at this picture of you and me at Pike Lake.  Do you remember what kind of fish you caught that day?" 
  • If your dad isn't able to recall the answer right away, try saying:  "It looks like a Northern Pike to me.  It has sharp teeth, and I remember how it took both of us to pull the fish up to shore."
  • Ask:  "What fish was the most fun to catch?  Did you like Largemouth Bass or Bluegill for eating?  What is the best bait to use to catch Catfish?"

• If answering questions is difficult when you first begin the conversation, try going through all of the photos and narrating what happened in each one.

• Once you've gone through the photos, try asking the questions again.  If you know the answers to the questions, use a picture to cue your dad to the correct answer.  For example:  "Dad which fish do you think has the best flavor?" (Show a picture of a Bluegill or which ever fish you know he prefers.)

• You may use the tool box in an additional way to guide the conversation.  By touching each of the items in the box, your dad will be using his sense of smell, touch, and vision to cue his memory. 

Remember, the key to unlocking conversation is using tools to cue his memory.  The more you remember about your dad and his past roles and hobbies, the more cueing you can offer him.