RuthAnne,

For years I thought I was either going crazy, was lazy, or just plain stupid. Why could I not remember things I had known how to do for years. How do you turn off the cruise control in the car when you are driving for example. How stupid of me not to remember I thought! Why can't I remember the word kleenex or tissue. Why did I have to stumble around and then say pass me the nose napkins please. Why couldn't I learn how to run a simple report from the computer software at my new job. It looked simple. Even with every step written down. I could not follow it and remember how to run it a second time, 5 minutes later,  if I made a correction to the report information.

Downhill I went two years ago when I changed jobs! I think the stress of trying to keep it all together made it much worse. I was "a suit" for years. I traveled across the US for a National Company as a professional speaker/lecturer/teacher doing Medical Office Management Seminars. From Medical Terminology, insurance billing and coding, Medicare. I taught it all. I dealt with hospital client/sponsors and did in-office consulting & business management for physician offices. I went up the ladder in the company and was promoted to be in charge of the Professional Services Department for the company. I hired and fired speakers. I wrote the teaching curriculum.  Very high pressure. After 12 years in the company, breast cancer, fibromyalgia, and my husband's heart attack I decided I could not take the travel. 5 days a week. 3/4 cities in several states each week takes a huge toll on the mind and body. I lived in hotels, airplanes and hospitals. I am 57 years old now and my body said "Nope you can't do it any longer". My brain said "Hey, I ain't gonna help either, I'm tired so I am gonna trip you up every chance I can." 

So 2 years ago  I went back to the Dental field. That is where I first started my professional life when my 35 year old son was less than 2. I took on a large practice with 18 employees including 3 dentists and 5 hygienist. I was the practice administrator. As with any corporate situation there were huge written $ and other growth goals with $ signs at the end for me. I made great money. On the outside everyone thought things were great. With my background I should have been able to do this job in a snap. But this was the beginning of the end. I had been doing my old job for 12 years. I knew it inside out. I could probably go back and do it today. It was old learned information. In my old job I taught the same thing to different people day in and day out.  Two years in that new job with "new" tasks with excellent training at the beginning and I still did not know the software among other things. That is so typical of Alzheimer's. Can't learn/remember new stuff!

But Hey ..... my practice was # 1 for 2007. Out of 50+ dental practices owned by this company in 3 states, financially (based on profit/loss). Keep in mind that #1 had nothing to do with being the largest practice (most employees, doctors, patients and dollars billed out and collected) with some of the most difficult situations in the company.   I had the #1 practice base on key operational goals and growth compared with the previous year. Mind you however, I was not the #1 Team Leader. Operationally, and based on the report card criteria I was average at best. Getting reports in on time etc. Getting the massive amounts of paperwork associated with running a million dollar dental practice, I was ALWAYS behind. I worked 60 hours a week. Should not have taken more than 45. I could not understand why I was not able to do it.  At the end of the day, I could not remember discussions with the doctors, phone calls I received and even patients that I discussed $5000 treatment plans with in the morning. Not Good! This Stress did not help but it was not the reason for the problems.

I was doing a huge disservice to the practice, the patients, and the dedicated employees that tried so hard to help me remember the bits and pieces they could. On the outside, things looked great but on the inside .... I finally crumbled. Thank God for my wonderful Doctors. They finally had the courage to say it in January of this year. Maybe it was "The Big A" for Alzheimer's. You know doctors will do anything not to use that word on a young 50ish successful looking professional woman.

Diagnosis day was a blessing. I had a "DISEASE". I was not LAZY, CRAZY, or STUPID as I had been feeling. There is so much more to the story. But I tell you all this RuthAnne to say, I WAS THRILLED TO SEE YOUR POST! To see someone finally say that each day they feel like they lose a little of them self. A little of their memory, knowledge, self-esteem and dignity .... gone. I was and am so surprised to learn that we as individuals identify WHO WE ARE by WHAT WE DO! When you don't have anything to do you must not be Anything? Is that how you feel?

I was officially diagnosed in late February and retired March 8, 2008. It has taken me until now to accept forced retirement, learn to live in shorts and flip flops, and enjoy it. We have 75% of the income we once had but that is OK. I have a future to plan.

Thank You ~ Thank You. You are correct. Most Everything is for the Caregiver. Rare to find the Early Onset Patient participating in anything. I think they are either hiding or struggling to keep all of the balls in the air. I wish I could make a difference not only in my life but in others. This is not a shameful disease. We need to speak out and let others know that Alzheimer's is not just the "shuffling, empty look in the eyes, elderly person" they see or perhaps know in their mind.

Perhaps we can talk on the phone. I would love to talk with someone I can relate to on a personal basis. I actually live in Boerne, Texas and that is right outside of San Antonio. I have a cell phone with 1000 minutes of roll over time. Seems I don't need to talk 400 minutes each month any longer so they just roll over and I lose the excess. I would love to use them. Perhaps there is a way to send a private message with your phone number. I would love to call you.

Sorry this is so long.

God Bless, Remember that God Loves Us All!

Lynn