Dear Debra,

As you've experienced, caregiving can be very stressful and maintaining equilibrium may sometimes seem impossible. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with the anger you have been feeling -- without yelling at your mother. She does not deserve to be the recipient of anger. She did not willfully create this situation to annoy you; her actions reflect her medical condition.

You may find that anger diminishes if you can reduce your caregiving burden. Arrange for others to be with your mother while you take breaks. Try not to feel guilty about leaving your mother in the care of surrogates. You need the time off, and you can't help her in the long run unless you take care of yourself.

Anger is troublesome; there are very few safe places to express anger. Instead, you can work on anger by talking with a counselor one-on-one or by joining an anger management group. You have already taken a very important step -- acknowledging that you are angry. Your counselor or facilitator can guide you through other steps. Helpful books include Of Course You're Angry by Rosellini and Worden and Anger by the Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hahn.

Beyond seeking respite and working on anger, you stand to improve the overall situation by finding more support. This could be informal -- friends sharing stories -- or more structured -- a caregiver support group. For help in locating additional support resources or for counseling by phone, call an AFA social worker toll-free (866-AFA-8484 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm EST).