I know what you are going through.  My mom and I went through the same thing.  My brother and I tried mom living with us, hiring  sitters in her own home, nursing home etc.  After several years of trying everything that we could think of  to make mom happy it would only last a period of time and we would be back to square one.  After many UTI's and restless nights, and a lot of hurt feeling. We found mom a wonderful asst. living facility.  I believe that I had to try everything for mom before I could say to myself that I had tried...Mom has been in her new home for about 3 months and she really likes it.  I know that she is getting better care than I could give her.  They have a PA that is at the facility 3 to 4 days a week and a geriatric doctor that is there one day a week.  The staff really watch the residents that live there and can get medical attention much faster than I ever could.  I am not saying that this is the choice for you, we all have to make decisions based on what is right  for us and the betterment of our loved one.  Mother does things for them that I could not get her to do.  She is much more social, and even has a boyfriend.  I really think she likes having some independence and will ask the CNA's for help for things that she needs.  I think it embarrassed mother to ask us (her children).  Even though her memory is terrible she does remember my brother and myself.  I visit her all the time and I am much more relaxed, she is excited to see me, we go shopping, and out to dinner.  We have much better visits and truly enjoy each other.  The facility helps  with her baths, and meds.  So far I think we made a decision that was best for us and mom.  Who knows tomorrow may be different. I hope this helps.  I know that it does not give you an answer because each answer can be different for each one of us.  There is no wrong one as long as you keep you loved ones best interest at heart. 

Lesa

cajunlady09

4/12/09 7:26am

I have been taking care of my Mom for three years...I seen over the years her loss of memeory and other ability's.Like I said as before...it became too much for me to handle alone..being a single parent,working then coming home to care for mom.I had put her into a nursing facility and didn't like the way she was treated.

I have applied to put her into another one which I have heard only good thigs about...but there is a waiting list.

If only my other siblings would help with her...but seems they always too busy.They don't see what I go thru because they don't see my mom that much and when they do seems like she's not that bad with them.But I was told they take there anger and things out on there caregivers.It just hurts to see my mom like this because she is so totally different than before she got sick with alzeimers.

 

 

shirlee

4/25/09 9:43pm

i know how you feel. even though i am married. my mom sometimes will not let me bathe her, and sometimes she will. i have staff that come in 3 days a week for 4hrs a day just to help with the bathing, breakfast, and dressing. i have to do this so that i can have a few moments for myself. my husband say he understand, but when he has had enough he will just get up and leave. on the days that i do not have staff. i am constantly walking and checking on her. on nice days when i try to get her to go out she will sometimes not bathe, or just will not go. when that happen i am then stuck in the house. i am 58 years old and this is the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. i hope it doesn't appear that i am complaining. but tomorrow might be better for both of us. every day i say a little pray that God will help me just to get through the day and do the right thing for my mother. 

may God bless you and your family as you go thru this time in your life.

 

shirlee

i on the other hand

cajunlady09

4/25/09 9:58pm

Shirlee,

 

Yeas it is a very hard thing to do to care for our moms.Have you ever consideed getting her on a program for long term care?I'm not sure which state your in...but here in Louisiana there is a program that would give her someone to cook and clean up and bathe her...but still at night it gets hectic because that's when she really gets that sundown syrdome when they start walking and waling.My mom walks so much she gets cramps in her legs.I told my other siblings I just cannot see her like this anymore.She doesn't know what she's doing anymore.I have her on a waiting list for a nice nursing home where I know she will be taken care of.We can only do so much .We have  our lives to live and this can bring you down health wise and mentally.I have done this for 3 yrs and tried again..I just can't.Hope you have peace and remember you have to live also.

 

 

Tooty

shirlee

4/26/09 2:17pm

thank you for sharing your info. we live in the state of n.c. i'm not sure if there is a such a  program here or not. i will contact the alz. ssoc for our area to see what is offer. again thank you.

 

shirlee