A few weeks ago, I did what people in the business of knowing about Alzheimer's told me not to do: I took Dick on a trip up to Oregon in our motorhome. My reasoning revolved around the fact he loves to be out and about when we are home, so why not try a longer out and about? There are lots of reasons, I suppose, but, lucky for me, I was right about this particular decision. In fact, taking care of our dog proved to be the most difficult task of the week. We headed north to see friends who had relocated to Brookings, just over the California border. A few things proved to be difficult, like going to the bathroom in a tiny space and having to take shoes off before walking on the new white carpeting in our friends' house, but for the most part, the trip was so successful that I am going to try another one in a few weeks. Am I crazy or what?? This time we'll go to Colorado to visit our daughter and bring our grandboys back to California for a family visit --- and we'll do this minus the dog, of course! Dick still asks about seeing Traci and the boys at least fifty times a day, which can tax even the most patient caregiver. I'd like to say that this trip will solve that problem for me, but I know it won't. What it will do, however, is get us out of the house and doing something different with our lives. That is the appealing part for me, and because Dick doesn't seem too confused by it, I think I'll go against the advice and take him along.
I have also decided to leave him at home for a few trips this year --- thus the title of this journal. Last year we went to Lake Tahoe together, but it was so difficult for him and he enjoyed so few of our activities that this summer I will leave him at home with the lady who gives me respite twice each week. In spite of how nice it will be to get away, this really is a transistion for me --- this going away without my husband. For the caregiver and the longtime wife, this disease is all about being able to make the inevitable adjustments. But I truly do understand the responsibility I have to take care of myself as I care for Dick. Sometimes it's easier not to do that, but I believe the experts and the statistics, and I fully understand my family's concern for my well being. So off I will go this summer, thankful to spend quality time with my children and grandchildren and not having to look after Dick at the same time, while fully understanding that I may miss doing that very thing.
The summer looks promising, and for the first time in a long time, I am actually looking forward to it. I just wish that Dick could share in the joy of that same anticipation. At this point, I'll just take the smile I get when I tell him that we will be seeing Traci and the boys "tomorrow," and actually be telling the truth.
