In August I was agonizing over placing my husband in a small board and care home; now in December I am rejoicing over my decision to do just that. The months of adjustment are over for both of us --- actually, for Dick, it was an easy adjustment --- for me, not quite so. But here we are about to move into 2008 -- twelve years into this disease for my husband, and life is better for both of us. For Dick, the regular daily schedule with his beyond amazing caregivers has provided him with a consistency that I was never able to give him, and that has truly helped him. For me, sharing the caregiving rather than being involved 24/7 has allowed me to have a life again, and for that, I am most appreciative. I'd like to say that it's all be smooth and easy; however, that has not exactly been the case. I have had to make many adjustments, the most difficult just not living with my husband. That empty side of the bed was so sad for so long. And living alone for the first time in my life has been a major adjustment -- lonely at times, freeing at others. I'm trying to be true to whatever feelings come my way: the guilt ( of course!), the relief, the happiness, and the sometimes overwhelming sadness that my life is going this way. Dick's Alzheimer's has made me much more philosophical about life and about the trials of our lives. People often tell me I am a saint, but I am no saint. I am like most of humanity, surviving the joy and the sadness of life, the easy times and the more difficult times. And I know that the hard times Dick and I face are really so much less diffcult than many in this world --- that is really the truth. And with those thoughts, I am moving forward in my life --- trying to be there for Dick, to make him smile for a moment or two at the nice lady who comes to visit, and then trying to forge a new life for myself.
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