Friday, December 28, 2007
In August I was agonizing over placing my husband in a small board and care home; now in December I am rejoicing over my decision to do just that. The months of adjustment are over for both of us --- actually, for Dick, it was an easy adjustment --- for me, not quite so. But here we are about to move into 2008 -- twelve years into this disease for my husband, and life is better for both of us. For Dick, the regular daily schedule with his beyond amazing caregivers has provided him with a consistency that I was never able to give him, and that has truly helped him. For me, sharing the caregiving rather than being involved 24/7 has allowed me to have a life again, and for that, I am most appreciative. I'd like to say that it's all be smooth and easy; however, that has not exactly been the case. I have had to make many adjustments, the most difficult just not living with my husband. That empty side of the bed was so sad for so long. And living alone for the first time in my life has been a major adjustment -- lonely at times, freeing at others. I'm trying to be true to whatever feelings come my way: the guilt ( of course!), the relief, the happiness, and the sometimes overwhelming sadness that my life is going this way. Dick's Alzheimer's has made me much more philosophical about life and about the trials of our lives. People often tell me I am a saint, but I am no saint. I am like most of humanity, surviving the joy and the sadness of life, the easy times and the more difficult times. And I know that the hard times Dick and I face are really so much less diffcult than many in this world --- that is really the truth. And with those thoughts, I am moving forward in my life --- trying to be there for Dick, to make him smile for a moment or two at the nice lady who comes to visit, and then trying to forge a new life for myself.
Dear Teri:
Thank you for sharing your experience of placing your husband in a care home. Your message is inspirational, and shows others that while the process of placing a loved one can be difficult, some caregivers find that this move reduces the amount of stress felt by caregivers and their loved ones.
Many caregivers begin to consider placement when the care needs of their loved ones outweigh their ability to effectively meet these needs. This transitional period may be difficult for all parties involved. However, caregiving responsibilities do not end once a loved one moves to a home or facility. Caregivers can remain involved by visiting and by advocating for the needs of their loved ones. This may include helping loved ones become accustomed to their new settings. As both parties begin to adjust to their new environment, it is important to continue using support networks for assistance. Support networks can help caregivers address feelings that they are having regarding the placement of their loved ones.
The Alzheimer's Foundation of America (AFA) has available for caregivers a telephone-based support network called Care Connection. If you are interested in joining a live support group, please call AFA at 1-866-AFA-8484 (toll-free 9 AM to 5 PM Eastern) to speak to one of our licensed social workers. Our social workers can also help you find organizations that can provide support and assistance in your area.