Learning to Deal with Mom's Distorted Reality: Current Events and Alzheimer's

Thank you for the feedback. This type of reply is really hard to do, though, since you have to be mentally flexible and willing to stay in the moment in the conversation (and also give up any need to control). My dad still has trouble coming up with responses to these types of conversations. At times, his responses trigger emotional outbursts in Mom, but he's gotten a lot better in this area from where he was two years ago. It's an unfortunate case where "practice makes perfect," but it's an important skill to learn. 

Take care!

Dorian

Hi, June,

I have had a similar experience where Mom has asked about someone who has passed way (most often it's her parents). I normally say something like "You know, I haven't seen them in awhile either." Then I try to ask some questions that get her to change the subject. But I don't tell Mom that her parents have died; her reality at this point isn't based on living in August 2007. Instead, she's living in whatever timeframe and location that her damaged mind has placed her in that moment. 

For instance, I recently visited with Mom while she was still laying down in bed after a morning nap. I asked her what she had been doing that day. She said she has been working all morning in the orchard (the plot of land that her parents used to have right next door to  their home where they grew fruit trees and vegetables). Never mind that my grandparents sold their house and that plot of land in the late 1970s, and both had passed away by the mid-to-late 1980s. In Mom's mind, she was out working in that yard and eating "white apples" and would see her parents later that day. So I just kept talking to her about what was in the orchard, and not about the status of her parents.

So my suggestion to you is to go with the flow and not try to correct your mother with the news that her husband has died. Instead, figure out how to "bridge" the conversation so that you can move it from a topic that you don't want to talk about (the current status of your father) to a topic that you both would enjoy visiting about (like a family vacation or a funny family story).

Take care!

Dorian

Thank you Dorian I was so worried about that. That is exactly how I have been handling that but did not want to give her any false ideas.  This is new to me I have been taking care of her since February of 2006 and she is of course getting worse and worse. 

This is such a sad mental illness.  I think when my Dad does come to visit Mom will leave us permanetly.