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Right on Track
Connie Moore
Sunday, December 07, 2008 at 05:22 AMre: Right on Track
Dorian Martin
Sunday, December 07, 2008 at 06:37 AMHi, Connie,
Having been where you are in watching a loved one's condition deteriorate, I'd strongly encourage you to focus on yourself and your husband right now (and not worry too much about Hazel). I think that the caregiving trait becomes so ingrained in all of us as we take care of a loved one with Alzheimer's that we feel we can handle everyone's issues (even as our loved one's condition deterioriates). It's only in hindsight that I am able to realize how much stress I was under during Mom's final days. I tried to keep up a super-human schedule and taking care of everyone else, but in retrospect, I neglected my own needs. I paid the price with my own health issues that surfaced after Mom's death (but which I'm working on reversing now).
So if I were you, I'd use this time to spend it with your husband and to also spend some quiet time with yourself to focus on your own needs (spiritual, physical, emotional) during this time. You'll be able to help Hazel in the future (and I know you will!), but I think it might serve you better to focus your energies on your husband's current medical situation, your family and your own well-being during this difficult time.
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
re: re: Right on Track
Connie Moore
Monday, December 08, 2008 at 04:52 AMThank you Dorian,
You are right and this is very difficult. I have finally accepted the fact that I can only do so much.
My husband sundowns and dosen't sleep unless I am a wake. It's not bad during the day but he refuse to sleep until I am up. I go to bed at 7:00pm and he wakes me at 2:00 am he is very frightened of dying alone. Once I am up he rests knowing I am right here. my computer is my link and my emotional escape from my own problems. I know this sounds weird but it is very theraputic. I take naps during the day and so far I am holding up pretty well. I see my doctor every two weeks and he is watching me closely. It's been difficult getting into a schedule that works but I have finally reached this. This is the only time of day I can truly call my own. I have always written and plan on finishing my book when he is gone. I have put my life on hold to care for this wonderful man but also know if I don't take care of me I can't take care of him. Thank you for everything you do. This site and the people have been a life savor for me. So many that reach out to all of us when they also lead such busy lives.
Sadly our family and friends don't come they say it's just to hard. Yes it's hard but they are missing so much. My 20 year old granddaughter has a son and husband and she is the only one besides the friends I have made on this site that I can talk to and offer their friendship. Try not to worry I do take care of myself and even though it gets harder with each passing day I am learning if I don't take care of me I cannot take care of him.
Thank you so much for your kind words of advise. Thank you from everyone on this site for taking time out of your life to help and touch others suffering as you did. You inspire us all to hang in there.
Connie
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Getting exercise into the picture
Sondra White
Monday, January 26, 2009 at 04:10 PMI'm the friend who helped Dorian to incorporate more exercise into her weekly routine when her mom was going through such a difficult time with Alzheimer's. Besides giving Dorian a physical and mental boost, the times we spent riding our bikes in the early morning hours were perfect for great conversation. I was able to vent about the stresses in my life, and she was able to talk openly about the issues she faced in caring for her mother. It was also the beginning of my education on Alzheimers. Without those long bike rides and conversations, I would not know as much about the disease and how to care for those who have it. Since then my Aunt Billie was diagnosed, and although I do not provide for her care, my cousins do, so I feel I have a better understanding of what they are going through. The more we all learn, the better for everyone.
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Hi Dorian
Right on track as usual. thank you for always giving such great advise and up to date material that helps me and so many others.
Have you heard from Hazel? I haven't and I am worrried about her.
My husband is deteroriating daily. The Home Health Care Agency has had a nurse here every day this week. His blood pressure keeps shooting up and we can find no explanation. He denies he is in pain but I know he is he moans and groans day and night. He is still coughing and that isn't helping they want him to lay flat in the bed but he can't because the weight of the fluid from the congestive heart failure makes it impossible for him to breathe. They said if it goes two points higher he has to be hospitalized. He has signed a DNR and if they send him to the hospital I will insist they follow his wishes. Now I have to get my mind and heart wrapped around this. I have feared for over a week I was facing a life changing event and this is it. I am not ready to lose him but it is killing me to see him in pain. I know I am being selfish wanting to hang on and I am trying to relase him but it's so hard especially right at the holidays. I will not prolong the inevitable. I will honor his wishes. Pray for my strength and guidance.
This will be a tough week and I fear the turning point in my life. I pray for his release of pain and this lost world he is in. Please pray for that. And pray for my strength.
I hope all is well with you. Your friend Connie.