As an old woman myself now, and on short time too, I can only say I believe you are doing the right thing in making the effort to come to as informed a decision as you can before it is too late. Our family didn't and the results were heartbreaking. But do not forget to research what the law says too.  That is extremely important.  You may even find you have to remove your mother from the nursing home setting, when the end is near, and bring her into a home setting, to be able to let her go, perhaps with help from Hospice services.    There may be legal constraints on what can be done in the nursing home setting, or rather on what may not be left undone.  I urge you to consult an attorney, and particularly one specializing in end of life decisions and concerns lest you find all your decisions are disregarded because of those legal considerations.  The laws are different in every state, and understandably, no doctor, and no nursing home is going to want to jeopardize their livelihood by breaking the law.  Please, get legal opinion too.

We don't even say "if I die" the words I always hear are "if something happens to me.