Thoughts on Decision-making for a Loved One Who Has Advanced Dementia

Thank you for this, Dorian. Many of us have second-guessed our decisions. It's so very hard to do it all without any guilt. The "what ifs" loom over us. You did your best as a dedicated daughter and caregiver, and this article is a wonderful way to share that you aren't sure you were always right in your decisons. That's a huge contribution to the caregiver community.

Carol

It is indeed hard and personal. I just talked to a neighbor and she commented about her friend who has dementia and the family. She thinks the family should take the friend back to Scotland as it is her wish. But the family refused to do so saying the friend has been in Canada for a long time. So she is in an expensive assisted-living home here in Canada. Certainly lots of gossips or logic will come up. My neighbor thinks the family should grant her wish and move her to Scotland.

I am not saying the family should not care more about her, but I would leave it up to the family and make no comments. How do you know it is easier or harder or selfsih for the family not to do so?

To be honest, most friends think the suffered AD or dementia patient should be with the family or whatever the patient wishes. But maybe the family has a hard time and may not explain it to you? Her friend is here all alone. I sometimes feel that the family has to be responsible and they will learn the lesson. It is personal and how could friends judge? It is difficult enough to be responsbile for dementia patient.

I think how people gossip or comment about it also puts some pressure on the family.

Nina