Seeing Mom's Humanity First, Instead of Her Disease

Mom repeated that she wanted to select the teacher who would challenge me the most academically  and said she had no problem enrolling me in this teacher’s classroom. As I completed telling the story, I reminded Mom that that teacher ended up being one of the best teachers I had during my educational experience, and that Mom had requested that my brother also be placed into this teacher’s class when he reached that grade several years later.

As the aide continued her work to help Mom in the task, I watched carefully to see if she was listening  to this piece of Mom’s history; the aide was! Although no more mention was made that afternoon about the story of the teacher, I did notice a deepening in the relationship between Mom and this aide. I think this aide learned that my mom doesn’t judge people on skin color, but instead on who they are as a human being.

This tale seemed to “humanize” my mom in the aide’s eyes.  For instance, this aide went out of her way to assist Mom when the secure unit was closed and its residents assigned to live in rooms throughout the nursing home. This aide (who was assigned to another hallway) would always check on Mom, assisting with bed-time rituals, and calming Mom down when she had an emotional outburst. (I also have a feeling – but no proof – that this story was shared with other aides who learned to value Mom as a person, instead of placing the disease first.)

The lesson I learned is that I have to be Mom’s “historian” as her memory continues to fade. By sharing these types of stories with the nursing staff, I’m able to help them understand who Mom is, so they can focus on her as a person, instead of another case with Alzheimer’s disease.