yesterday that my grandma has Alzheimer's. I am kinda in shock. We don't have a really close relationship. I'd say there were about 15 years of my life (I am 30 now) that I had no contact with her or my grandpa because of some problems with them and my mom (my grandpa was very abusive). Things have been worked out and I see her more regulary but the relationship feels more like we're good acquantences rather than granddaughter/grand mother. Anyways, despite all that, I want to be there for her and I know that we (my family) have a long road ahead of us. I really don't know what to do or think. I don't know much about the disease and I don't know anyone who has it. I am very glad I found this website. I am open to any suggestions or words of encouragement you may have. To add to the complexity of the issue...my mom is Bipolar. She is well treated and does as good as can be expected with all her challenges, but I know that this will be more than she can handle a lot of the time, so I will play a big part in helping my grandma. My grandma went to the dr. on her own and has known for two weeks, but we just found out yesterday. She didn't even want my mom to tell me or my aunt (her other daughter) because she is embarrassed and doesn't want to be a burden. But I know she is also feeling depressed at the news. I want to be comforting, but she doesn't know I know. Even though we haven't been close, I want the remaining time that she has a good quality of life to be good. I want us to do more together and create memories (documented w/ pictures) so I can show her when she gets worse.
I guess I just needed an outlet for how I feel about this news and felt that this was a good place. Like I said, I am open to your words of wisdom and to hear your experiences.
Nlongnecker, It's really great that you want to be more involved with your grandma! If this is still in the very early stages, you need to assure her that it is nothing to feel embarrassed about. It's an illness that is very common among the elderly. Grandma will be having memory trouble, so don't worry if she isn't able to recall things that you recently told her. Just tell her again each time that she forgets. If you go somewhere with her (restaurant, hair salon, etc.) be sure that she goes home with everything that she brought with her. A lot of purses, sweaters, umbrellas and other items disappear in these moments of forgetfulness. If you have a nice framed 5" X 7" picture of yourself, leave it with grandma so that you can be with her even when you're away. Put a piece of masking tape on the back with your name. Don't feel bad if she forgets your name at some point or even calls you by another name. It happens and can't be helped. Hopefully, these things will come much later and you and grandma will get to know each other better and be closer. Now is the time to ask questions about grandma's life. If you are curious about where she went to school, where she was during the war (II, Korean, Vietnam), what she did at that time, where she met grandpa, what kind of car she owned first, or anything else that comes to mind, you might want to slip a qustion in here and there. Don't overwhelm her, but she may enjoy telling you stories that answer your questions. You may be fascinated by her stories. Enjoy your grandma and bring your questions here. We'd also love to hear how you both are doing! Best Wishes, -- Joe --
Joe's answer is right on. I'd only add that you may find that as the disease progresses, sometimes she may not know you, but another time she may suddenly "come out of it" and know you by sight or even by name. Those moments are gratifying.
You are wonderful to be so concerned and willing to help.
Blessings,
Carol