If I'd Only Known Then What I Know Now

Geriatric Dementia Specialist Makes Right Diagnosis

You don't need to have a doctorate degree to know something is wrong, but you do need a doctor who can diagnose and treat it properly. Finally, I stumbled upon a compassionate geriatric dementia specialist who performed a battery of blood, neurological and memory tests, along with P.E.T. scans. First, he ruled out the reversible dementias, and then you should have seen my face drop when he diagnosed Stage One Alzheimer's in both of my parents--something that all of their other doctors missed entirely.

Trapped in Old Habits

What I'd been coping with was the beginning of dementia, which is intermittent and appears to come and go. I didn't understand that my father was addicted and trapped in his own bad behavior of a lifetime, and that his old habit of yelling to get his way was now coming out over things that were illogical and irrational... at times. I also didn't understand that demented does not mean stupid--at all (a concept that is not widely appreciated), and that he was still socially adjusted never to show his "Hyde" side outside the family. Even with the onset of dementia it was absolutely amazing that he could still be so manipulative and crafty. On the other hand, my mother was sweeter and lovelier than she’d always been.

Balancing Brain Chemistry

Alzheimer's is just one type of dementia, and there's no stopping the progression nor is there yet a cure. However, if identified early, there are medications that can mask/slow the progression, keeping a patient in the early stage longer and delaying full-time care. (Ask a dementia specialist about the FDA approved medications: Aricept, Exelon and Razadyne--and Memantine for later stage.)

After treating the dementia and often-present depression, the doctor prescribed a small dose of anti-aggression medication, which smoothed out my father’s volatile temper without making him sleep all day. (How I wish we’d had that fifty years ago!) Once their brain chemistries were properly balanced, I was able to optimize nutrition, fluid intake and medications with much less resistance.

Creative Behavioral Techniques

I was also able to implement creative behavioral techniques. Instead of logic and reason--I used distraction, redirection and reminiscence. Instead of arguing--I validated their feelings and lived in their reality of the moment. And if none of that worked, the offer of my father’s favorite ice cream usually worked to get him into the shower, even as he swore a blue streak at me that he had just taken one yesterday (a week ago!).

Then finally, I was able to get my father to accept a caregiver (he’d only alienated 40 that year), and with the help of Adult Day Health Care five days a week for them, and a weekly support group for me, everything started to fall into place. It was wonderful to once again hear my father often say, “We love you so much, sweetheart.”

But then, after several more years of loving each other—my parents passed from heart attacks just a few months apart. And even though being responsible for every aspect of their last years was the hardest thing I have ever done--I am proud to say I gave them the best end-of-life I possibly could.