My sister and I just spent the last month dealing with the crisis of a mother with advanced dementia (she thought she was Johnny Carson's 6th wife and suffering from congestive heart disease) and a father showing the signs of Alzheimer's. He had been caring for her for the last 2-3 years. My sister and I live 100s of miles from our parents.(They refused to move closer as they got older, tho we often asked). Some of their affairs were in order, others less so. Our mother passed away 2 days ago and we placed our father in an assisted/skilled nursing home (in the middle of the night with the help of the police - it was so good to read in your book that other people have to resort to this too!). He is very angry with us - it is our fault our mother died, we are trying to steal his money, and we put him in the home and took over our power-of-attorney, etc, etc. My poor sister is very hurt and angry, as am I. Wish I'd read your book before but we just kept hoping 2 almost 90 year old people could care for themselves. Boy, were we dumb, but our parents would never discussed financial or healthcare with us, or their will, etc. What a learning expierence! We have promised our own kids that we will not put them through this nightmare! ************************************************************* Hey, Jae Lynn, thanks so much for writing. Oh my gosh, so sorry about your parents... and yes, I know exactly what you are going through, it is SO HARD! But listen, you did the right thing-his safety has to be number one. What helped me was to develop an "Emotional Shift" so my father's hurtful comments would bounce off instead of sending me to the bathroom sobbing. It got to the point when he'd yell every foul name in the book at me I was able to say, "I'm sorry you're upset-say, did you hear there was a tornado in the Midwest? Let's turn on the Weather Channel (his favorite) and find out about it. (Had to be a tornado somewhere!) The point is, I was able to distract and redirect him to something, anything, he enjoyed (ice cream worked too)--and I gave up using logic and reasoning all together. Realize that if you father was in his right mind, he would never want you and your sister to be so unhappy and burdened with his care-just as you are telling your children now. But if you get dementia, you may be saying the same hurtful things to your children. So, teach them now how to handle it, so they don't cry their hearts out when you call them rotten children and accuse them of stealing your money. HUGS to you and your sister-stay strong! Jacqueline