Ohhhh, I had this exact situation while I was caring for my parents, so I know how exasperating it is! Actually I went through 40 caregivers that first year—most applicants only there for about ten minutes as my father would be so nasty they’d run out--or he’d just throw them out of the house. Here’s what I unfortunately had to learn the hard way!

Keep in mind that any kind of change is often frightening for elders and fear of the unknown can be greatly intensified. Have your father’s doctor sternly advise him that he must have a caregiver to help him in his home—and also write out a “prescription” for it. Also, have the doctor indicate that otherwise he will be required to file some legal action for your father’s safety. This might scare your father into acceptance.

You can also have a caregiver agency send someone to help convince your father how much easier his life would be if a caregiver came in to help him. Assure your father that you will monitor the caregiver to make sure things are being done properly.

If none of that works and you think your father is about to injure himself or someone else, contact your county’s Adult Protective Services (APS) and ask them to send a social worker to talk to your father about how they will have to step in soon. Their report goes to the local police department, so a uniformed officer will visit him soon as well, which may be the tipping point for convincing your father of the seriousness of the situation.

Decide if you want to hire a caregiver from an agency, which is more expensive but the caregivers are supervised and replaceable if there is an emergency. Or, if you want to find someone on your own, understand that it will require a lot more work and on-going supervision. When you talk to agencies, be sure to ask right away if they are bonded and members of any state or national home care organization. Then check them out.

Some agencies will do extensive background checks and drug screenings, others will not. Inquire as to exactly what background checks have been done on the caregivers you are considering and get everything in writing. Be sure to ask: Are they checking in the county, state or nationwide? What types of crimes do they search for, felonies or misdemeanors too? How many years back do they check? You can check public records on real estate, social security, DMV and taxes. If the agency will not put this information in writing for you, they probably have not done background checks.

Understand that it is illegal for the police to run a “check” on an individual for you, unless there is probable cause of an outstanding warrant for their arrest, so try this: Over the phone, ask the applicant if they’d mind having their picture taken and if you could take their fingerprints with an ink pad when they come for the interview--as a safety precaution these days. This is enough to scare off any who have a criminal record.