How Can I Get My Stubborn Elderly Father to Accept a Caregiver in His Home?

Before you begin interviewing caregivers, involve your father in the process by making a list together of the non-negotiable qualities you want in your caregiver and stick to it. Include all the caregiver’s responsibilities now and what they might become as your father’s health declines. This should be made available to all family members and friends so it is clear what orders can be given and what will and won’t be expected.

Don’t waste time interviewing caregivers in-person who did not meet your minimum requirements over the phone. For example: Will they clean up vomit, poop, and change diapers if necessary? Do they have a valid driver’s license and current insurance card you can make copies of? Will they give you their social security number so you can pay taxes properly? How far away do they live? Do they have adequate eldercare experience? Will they give you checkable references? Do they speak, read and write your language at a reasonable level? Have they ever been arrested and/or convicted for anything? Will they sign a waiver to have a complete background check run on them? If you get a lot of hesitancy or refusal over the phone, save yourself the time and aggravation of interviewing in-person.

Always ask for numerous references from caregivers. If you are using an agency, you want to talk to the families who have caregivers working for someone right now, to get a clear picture of how the agency is being managed right then. Find out if the applicant has been punctual, reliable, what duties they have performed and are capable of doing, and what problems have occurred. Also talk to previous employers, co-workers, landlords, neighbors, relatives and friends. And by visiting the applicant in their own home, you will see the level of cleanliness and organization you can expect in your father’s home.

Don’t forget to block all 976 and international calls on your father’s phone. And if he has Long-Term Care Insurance and you go through an agency, be sure that the agency will accept direct payment from the LTC company. And always pack and lock up all valuables to remove temptation from those who come into your father’s home.

Once the caregiving begins, your father will probably make unreasonable demands. Therefore, the written list will assure the caregiver of their real responsibilities. And when complaining about the caregiver inevitably starts, don’t automatically defend the caregiver to your father and get into a heated argument. Simply assure your father that you will get to the bottom of the problem and do so. If the complaints are well founded, report them to the agency or take appropriate action on your own. If the complaints are superficial, strengthen your caregiver’s resiliency on how to handle their difficult patient.

You can also install a nanny-cam so you can see for yourself what is happening in your father’s home. Make sure the caregiver knows the cameras are there, as it is far better to stop abuse from happening than to see after-the-fact your helpless father being beaten by a vengeful caregiver. There are many systems available these days. Some install a 90-degree camera lens in a lamp, clock radio, smoke detector, Kleenex box, phone, or just about anywhere.