Depression Prevalent in Caregivers of Loved Ones with Dementia

Thank you Jacqueline

Please everyone listen to her and email this to friends going through this. As you all know my beloved is gone now. I was shocked when my mother had visited shortly before Christmas and then after arriving back home called me and told me she had developed pictures of her visit and then spent the rest of the day crying and then called me. She sent me copies of the pictures. I didn't recogize her youngest child, ME. I have aged so much and lost so much wieght it is as if I were a totally different individual. I had quit wearing makeup and didn't care how I dressed as I went no where. My world had become so totally consumed with caring for Ray I forgot me. I lost me. i do not regret my care and time I dedicated to my husband but it saddens me I let him see me in such a state. In the end his fear was me I couldn't understand why he fought so hard not to die and kept saying he was worried about me. I took a really good look in the mirror and now know why he was so frightened I didn't even recognize me so how could he.

Ray's passing is a memeory I will always treasure. God took him painlessly and peacefully with me holding him in my arms. I had always taken pride in looking as good as possible for my husband but had let my self go so badly it even shocked me. I had to dress for all the funeral preprations and was shocked I could find nothing to wear that fit. My clothes hang on me I have lost so much weight. i have missed so many doctors appointments as I refused to leave his side and now I am paying for it and trying to play cach up. I do put on makeup now but still cry it off.

Ray was buried with full military honors and as his wife I had a responsibility to look the part of an officers wife. My best friend came and helped me to dress. She bought new clothes and a hat with a veil that would cover my face. I was basically led around by the hand as a child my grief was so great. I have to stop this I will still grieve but I don't want Ray looking down and seeing the wife he loved letting herself go any longer. I put on makeup dress each day and even though I still cry it off I will continue to do so. Please don't do what I have you are not doing your loved ones a favor becoming so comsumed you lose yourself. Talk and talk some more. Each morning go look in the mirror and ask yourself do you want them to see me like this or how I use to look. They never forget us. Yes they are lost in their alzheimers mind but trust me when I say they do still know you they do still love you and they do still worry about you. If I could change one thing I would have never let Ray see how much a toll this disease had taken a hold of me. I didn't sleep I didn't eat and now I know he knew it. I really don't know how I kept functioning. We each have to find our own way through this disease. A young friend keeps worrying that she is not doing enough for her mother. I am a mother and I tell her you are a wonderful daughter and are doing more then most stop questioning and feeling guilty for the time she takes to give herself a break. I know I probaly sound stupid as I did not do this myself i would have been a better care giver had I taken better care of my self. It is to late for me but not for all of you. Take a break do something anything that will relieve some stress. You owe this to your loved ones you will be a better caregiver if you take care of you. I made it because God carried me. he still does but I am taking better care of myself and I will continue to do so. yes it still hurts yes I am still grieving but it is so much easier to sit back and look at the big picture now. Stop second guessing yourselves and do something anything to take care of YOU. Please do this listen and learn be good to yourself what happens to your loved one if you go down? Thank you connie

Great post, Jacqueline! I know I was depressed during my decades of caring for so many elders, but I didn't know it then. My elders were depressed, my son had many health issues, so I didn't have time to figure out my own. I should have sought help. As you say, who wouldn't be depressed when they are watching all of this decline?

Carol