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By shannon adams Tuesday, October 21, 2008

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My father has advanced prostate cancer (bladder and kidney) he had mild dementia, then suddenly severe dementia. He woke up one morning and forgot my mom had died two years ago. He re-lives this episode daily and the cruelty of this is beyond the scope of humanity to me. My older brother has decided not to treat his cancer (quality vs quantity). I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. He lives in an assisted living center in another state. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

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Sue

10/21/08 2:38pm

Wecome to our group and thanks so very much for your post. It sounds like you have a tough situation, one without an easy answer.

One of the most difficult things to handle when a loved one is sick with dementia, is how family - the caregivers - will communicate, or not. You amy want to speak with your sibiling (more if you have them) about your concerns. It is so important to have open discussions about what is happenineg and what you can do to help you dad and the family.

You may want to read some of these materials from our site:

Alzheimer's Disease Facts Sheets

Caregiver Center

Alzheimer's Caregiving Issues Among Siblings

Sibling Issues in Alzheimer's Care

Hope this helps and all the best, sue (moderator)

Dorian Martin, Health Guide

10/21/08 5:12pm

Hi, Shannon,

I know how difficult this is for you. My mom suffered from both Alzheimer's and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (from too much smoking). It seemed like the two diseases worked hand-in-hand to quickly cause my mother's health to decline. And it sounds like your father is in a similar situation. We (my family) really couldn't impact the treatment of Mom's lungs - they were too bad. And that may be the situation with your dad as well at some point in the near future as he struggles with cancer.

Fairly early on after her diagnosis with Alzheimer's, my family did have the conversation about Mom's wishes concerning extending her life through medical means. In retrospect, this proved to be a very important conversation to have had, since Mom began experiencing difficulty swallowing and we had to start thinking about a feeding tube. I wrote about this in the following blog:

http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/8290/stage-moms-care

I also wrote a blog about Slow Medicine that may be of use to you. That link is:

http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/26978/elderly-considered

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian

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