This is harder than anything else I've dealt with.

everything has been considered but the poa and my husband and me are bound by a contract which the aunts niece took her to court and the judge made us agree to it therefore only 400.00 is allowed to be spent of the aunts retierment.guardianship isnt allowed according to the contract we are bound by.as of right now the only person who can help the aunt is the aunt but is unwilling at this time.

I am sorry to know that. How could the judge/contract limit the expenses? Home care or anything is expensive also. Maybe you can go to the court to argue against it again.

Sorry to know about that. Hope you will find some solutions. Maybe find a support group to go.

Nina

Thank you for the info. I have called Catholic Social Services to get help from them just for a couple of hours, but unfortunately She has to agree for someone to come in and sit with her and she is against it. So it has just been basically my husband and me on a daily basis, unless he's at work then it's just me. I will definitely look into my options to somehow get help. Thanks again.

Thank you for your reply. It really has been more stressful lately.. At first it wasn't so bad. There are times when she just goes off with just a simple question being asked. She has been told by her Doctor and a Judge that going home to her house alone isn't an option and she just doesn't get it. I feel so bad for her, and at the same time I feel a little angry for giving up my life to help her when she acts so uncooperative.  I don't know if it's the dementia or her being stubborn. How do you not let it bother you? or get too consumed with it? She's not able to drive or cook for herself,  It's been over a week since she's showered and everyday I mention it to her, but it just doesn't register. She has been wearing diapers for a few weeks now and is upset about that. She thinks she only wears them because I want her to..  EVERYTHING is my fault. I just feel so helpless sometimes. We gave up our life in California to care for her, and now my kids are even starting to get exposed to some of her actions.(I have explained to them the situation in a way that they understand), but she has gotten to where she just screams at me constantly, and has even swatted at me with a diaper in her hand in front of my oldest son... I'm sorry to go on and on...  I don't want to give up, but don't want things to get anymore out of control either. She doesn't want anyone coming in to sit with her so there is basically nothing I can do at this point. Today was a good day..She seems content just watching TV. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. Thanks again for your information.. It was very helpful.

Your aunt's situation sounds like my father-in-law in 2007. He did not want to take a shower at times and he sat in his sofa all day. He is in moderate/severe stage of Alzheimer's. Since her sister has POA, maybe you can ask her to assert her power to put your aunt in a nursing home or a respite service and there some professionals can make sure your aunt like it or get used to it. Those professionals are good talkers and can persuade the patients, unlike the families who cannot do anything.

Her anger is also obvious. My father-in-law blamed his son a lot in 2006. So she is probalby around this moderate stage of dementia now.

You really should ask her sister, the poa about what she is interested in doing it to help your aunt. Even going to the court to modify the contract and etc. I think probably her niece was naive and did not realize she did more harm than help. This contract has to be changed - a doctor's order can help.

Just my 2 cents.

Nina