OLD LOVERS IN LIMBO

Kathy - thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful story with us.  I have to say I am sincerely moved and all i want to do right now is call my husband at work and tell him how much I love him, until the end of time!

All the best, sue (moderator)

I could barely read as I read your story from the tears, I cry as I write this because I to am the primary care giver for the love of my life. I have watched as this man I love lost both legss to PAD. In the beginning before acceptancr I kept telling his doctors he was having problems with his memory and behavior because he wasn't wearing his oxygen like he was told. He had COPD at the time, my doctor told use during an appointment over two years ago she had to tell many patients and thier families the diagnosis she had to tell us but but it was not lack of oxygen that was wrong with him, it was Alzheimers she had suspected for over a year. She did all the test to comfirm it I had still held out believing it was oxygen or lack of that was causing the changes in him. The next visit a week later she confirmed it and started him on medication. I kept tunnel vision for almost two years this man I loved this couldn't be happening to, I stayed with this until about three months ago even on medication for this disease my mind just couldn't seem to accept it. I have watched him change and I have watched him disappear more each day. I thought when I had to sign the papers for the doctors to remove his legs was the worst thing that could happen to us, it wasn't this is. Until it happens to you or the one you love you don't understand. I have sat by his bed and prayed so many times during each illness and prayed for God to save him and just let us have a little more time together, he has but now this. I sit by his bed now and pray for acceptance and strength to continue on. In the beginning I promised to never let him spend even one day in a nursing home but I now see that may not be a promise i can keep. He weighs 150 lbs and i weigh 105. I have had to lift him and pick him up many times I know in my heart that the day is coming I will no longer be able to do this. Ray still has his times of rational thinking and has told me he fears becoming abusive because he was a trained soldier. He is abusive at times with his mouth  but I know it is the disease. This man I love is a christian and as time has passed I have heard words come out of his mouth I never thought I would hear, I know it is the disease but it still hurts to hear and watch. I will love him forever and will continue to keep him with me as long as it is safe for both of us. I gained the strength from joining this site and people that share thier stories with me. I am so sorry you are living with and sharing the pain you are going through, I can see from my own life with my  own heart and eyes what you must be feeling because you see I am living the same life different story same disease. My grand daughter suggested I rent or buy the movie AWAY FROM HER, I did, I cried through the whole movie it mirrors what we are going through, if someone is living with this try to watch it. This movie is one of the last great love stories. When your lover is going through this you realize there isn't much you aren't willing to sacrafice for your soul mate. Living in the last great love story. Thank you so much for sharing. If I can help in any way please let me know. From a friend that shares your pain. Connie  

My dad, the Alzheimer's patient named in this story, passed away on December 2, 2008 from complications of pneumonia.  He was days later and then on December 10, 2008, my brother, my parents' oldest son, passed away suddenly from heart failure.  I cannot begin to explain to anyone how much my mother has grieved since then....not even given a chance to begin to grieve for my dad before my brother died, too.  She says that the death of a child is far worse than the death of a mate, different though they may be. 

My mother's health is now failing....all of the constant caregiving, weighted down by insurmountable grief, has taken its toll.  She's being tested for heart disease herself, she needs gallbladder surgery and knee surgery very soon.  But if only we could ease her mental anguish & suffering over these two back-to-back deaths in her life, maybe we would feel better. 

Please say a prayer for my mother....her name is Lois Burdette.