We loved ones are not alone!

 I came on tonight to post about feelings and family, both good and bad. I instantly saw a posting by Diane W..  Thank you  for your words and the find on the book.  Also, I am so sorry but yet releived to hear about your mom.. Releived do to the fact that I am the one that is in pain in my family. I wish both good and bad with my mom, I think only a true caregiver can understand these words??  I feel lost tonight as if I hold the whole damn world on my sholders. Not sure as to how long I can remain strong anymore? I truely want to give up. I have no support in my family and when they do show up they always have opinions, a llittle late ya think?.. My mom has a horrible leg infection that I am not sure if it is worse or better? I am NO doctor but yet I sit and look everything up on the internet trying to understand. "UNDERSTAND".. CMON..WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO UNDERSTAND. I too have lost my mom, She just isn't dead yet.. This is sick ... RIGHT???  I try and I will continue to try.. Try to do what?? I dont know.. but I try.. 

  Mom continues with her stories,, GOD I LOVE THESE STORIES.  She continues to give the facility hell.. LOL... YOU GO MOM  Is about all I can think to tell her..

 Last week there was a wedding there so that the mother of the bride could watch, HOW FRICKEN COOL IS THAT!! the band played for a short while and all the patience sat and watched and listened.  Youu could see in there eyes how they wanted to be part of. Mom looked at me with her eyes of hope and I stood her up from her wheel chair and lead her into a dance as if it was the "last dance"..  I finaly got the courage to look up and the whole damn place was in tears with me. I thought I was hiding "the river" but I couldn't stop crying or dancing... When the song ended we hugged for what seemed to be forever..  Mom had seen another lady in a wheel chair stairing at us, "Help me to my chair son..."    "Now give her a chance please".. OMG  I think I danced with them all, some I sat in wheelchairs and wheeled around..  The smiles and giggles and TEARS will last me a life time..

 It is my family support that is once again killing me, some times I think It is me doing the wrong but yet somehow I think not..  Hear I am dancing with mom then wipeing her ass and cleaning the poo. I am still so DAMN TIRED. WHEN WILL IT STOP.. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM...UGGGGGGG

 My caregivers support is world wide now. USA, Venezuela, Cananda, S.Africa, so I know I am not alone. None of us are. I feel so sad and sorry for the caregivers and the supporting families. Here mom is in a nice facility and I still get NO sleep.. I think over and over that I want to be part of you, you know where GOD takes over.. HOLY CRAP I think over and over...."IS THER A GOD"???????????????????

 I just want to give in and give up...

"I LOVE YOU MOM"  "I AM SO SORRY"