Jessie's Corner

Written by

Tue, April 01, 2008

Hello.....I am new at this but I suppose that there is always a starting point to everything. I am really frustrated at the fact that I cannot seem to get the vetrerans center to help with medications and things of this nature. He was able to create a nest egg for himself and because of this he is being punished. WW2 I guess means nothing to some people and he willingly served. I am in the process of creating a video of family when they were children and coming all the way up to current pictures. My husband, his brother, and one of his sisters all have Alzheimers and Dementia. I am interested in any information on current medications therapy that may be new and as much information as I can get my hands on. I am tired and remain very frustrated because of things with his children and the fact that I feel like they really don't care about him as much as they let on. There is strong information coming from family to support this and they all say the same things. I dont know what to do since they have talked him into doing a Power of attorney naming them only for both medical and financial issues. Is there anyone that can give me some information on what to do since he has been declared incompetent and the POA cannot b e changed and it be legal. He just does not understand and did nto really understand at the time that this was done. They never go to any doctors appointments, ER visits, and basically does not really fulfill the duties that a POA is suppose to. They have said that this was not their responsiblilty that this was mine. Has anyone else been through this situation? What did you do? How do you handle this? there is other issues as well but that is to much to go into. basically I am the one that goes to doctor visits and does everthing that he needs to have done. I am just really frustrated and need a break from time to time.

Comments (4) | Add comment

Notify me when there are new comments

Sue

4/ 1/08 11:07pm

Dear Lee Jessie - Thanks for posting and welcome to our community.

I think the first thing you might want to do is contact the Alzheimer's Foundation of America (AFA). They have a great resources and can guide you to the right connections in your area for help. We have other contact info for other organizations, too, on our web resources page.

As well, I think you might be intersted in a book written by a new member and recent poster. The book, and her post, is entitled Paradise Costs - A Victims Daughter Fights Back Against Elder Abuse.

Hope this helps, glad to have you with us.

All the best, sue (moderator)

AFA Social Services Team

4/ 4/08 4:37pm

Dear Lee,

I would like to start out by welcoming you to Health Central. It appears as though you have a lot of issues on your mind and I'm glad you came to Health Central for answers. Having 3 family members with Alzheimer's disease can be very burdensome on you as the primary caregiver. It seems as though you are taking the brunt of the responsibility and that is no easy task. I would like to offer you information on a little known benefit that might be helpful to you and your family. It's called the Aid and Attendance benefit, for at home, assisted living, or nursing home care. You can apply over the phone at 1-800-827-1000 or submit an application online at http://vabenefits.vba.va.gov/vonapp/main.asp. In regard to medication therapy, there are several medications on the market that can be used for treating Alzheimer's disease and other dementias. The most commonly used include Aricept, Namenda, Excelon, and Razadyne. Only a physician can determine which medication is right for your family members. As for the legal issue, it is understandable that you would have concerns about the wellbeing of your loved one, especially when it seems like other family members aren't helping out. If you do not feel comfortable about your family members having a Power of Attorney, I recommend that you seek counsel with an Elder Law Attorney and discuss the possibility of guardianship over your loved one. You can visit http://www.naela.org to locate an attorney in your area. I also understand your frustration and your need to take a break every once in a while. Your current situation is overwhelming, both physically and emotionally, because you are taking on difficult tasks yourself without receiving the support that you deserve. It is normal to need a break every once in a while, especially when you are working so hard. I would advise you to seek respite services through a long-term care facility or Adult Day Health Center in your area. If you need any further information, I encourage you to contact the Alzheimer's Foundation of America at (866) 232-8484. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Be strong and be well.

4/ 9/08 3:26pm

Hi Lee,

I am sorry that your children took over the POA. Is there any way for you to try to get the guardianship through a lawyer? I thought a spouse has more right since you take care of him and live wtih him. This one is different - the judge can decide who is better to be the decision maker or his guardian. POA is something your husband signs for his children. Guardianship is more from the judge. I don't know how a judge will rule over POA and guardian though.

Just my 2 cents. Sorry that your children did not support you greatly.

Nina