I have a few questions. First are you talking about early stage alzheimers/dementia? And I noticed only one sentence about "them" feeling valuable as a family member.See all care for people afflicted with Dementia is not text book. Each person with the disease acts differently because it does different things to their brains. Don't get me wrong, please I mean no disrespect. This is what this sites for is support,education, and strength. I prefer to use the term "Dementia", too many types of Alzheimers now to try to differenciate for the "non-medical,layman" readers. Also one thing to consider is using "layman terms" when talking about the disease process. Using BIG words leaves them with more questions.... I have worked with all phases of Dementia and just about all forms from Lewey Body to Vascular, Alcohol,and your good ole fashioned REAL Alzheimers for 13 years. From first stage to the beating the crap outta you to the end that is sooooo SAD. It gave me a huge respect for palliative and Hospice care.This disease also runs in my family......I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and possibly Graves disease,usually posting there. But since I am outta work that is my passion, I need to fill that void of helping families and caregivers of "Dementia Type Diseases". Please feel free to ask me anything, I want to help.. Thank you 
Christine,
I understand you are talking about the whole course of Alzheimer's care.
It had taken 7 and half years for us to care for my late FIL who had regular AD. He was 91. It seems we were not in the worst shape comparing with other people's situations. My late FIL had behavior and memory issues for sure but he was less violent or abusive. Caregivers found him as a good patient. He was sort of aware of his memory loss or brain "injury". As an former MD, he seemed to behave better as an "MD" when he was sick with AD. Yet we had found the whole thing difficult given that we are out of the country. So we managed to care for him in 2 U.S. states in these years. It sure is as long as the Olympic years or preparation and caregiving... The shock and surprises.... In the end, I realized we applied palliative care in the new wing although we didn't sign up for official hospice. But we did choose no hospital and natural way to deal with his sickness in the end. It was not even a very bad one - just needed oxygen and had eating issue. No food IV whatsoever.
Yes hospice or palliative care is important. Also the sick elder's quality of life or "usefulness" is an issue. Perhaps what family can do is to offer the elders the best environment that can assert their needs/ambition even if it is delusional. e.g., my late FIL still wanted to work even after he was disabled and could not read and write anymore as a professor. He thought he worked in the NH. So the family certainly can offer some activities to make the sick elders feel useful, delusional or not.
Regards,
Nina
I think you did the right thing. Especially allowing him to still "work", thats one key to caring for AD afflicted people. You cannot reorient them, you go into their world. And actually, it can be quite enjoyable at times. Youre also creating new memories. I want to commend you and your family. Hangin in there and helpin him pass with family at his side with dignity.
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Thanks, Christine, for your imaginative approach to caregiving. It can be truly an Olympian venture and your suggestions are spot on. We can use your "coaching" to help us do our job better.
Take care,
Carol