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My mother is in a nursing home. I see her serveral times a week. I find shorter more frequent visits work for both of us. Because she can no longer speak well, there is very little verbal communication between us now. We look into each others eyes and when I smile or say I love you she responds in kind. We look at family pictures. We hold hands and I do her nails. We are down to such a simplistic relationship now but it seems to keep her calm and she knows I'm here.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen
How wonderful. Touch, doing an activity together, making good eye contact. It is so important.
When I was a nurse so many people in nursing homes had nobody visiting them. Some people found it too unsetting. Many relatives of people with Alzheimer's believe that they are not recognised so their loved ones do not get anything from being visited. That is so far from the truth, as you know. Your mother is very lucky to have you Kathleen
All my very best wishes to you and your family
Christine
How dose a person make the decision to place someone in a nursing home? My 88 yr old mom has quite recognising her (our) home. we have lived together for the past year. I do work, we are in a very small town and the closest home excepting alzimers is 100 miles away. My siblings are all spread across the states. My children are 300 miles away attending college. How do I decied?
Hi Kate,
It depends on the stage your Mom is in for Alzheimer's. Does she still know the house? Is she in stage 5, 6 or 7? Normally in end stage, the family chooses home hospice or hospital hospice for care and it is covered by medicare. For stage 4-6, it takes a long time to be progressive. Basically you need to decide if you can continue to care for her. She will get worse. When she needs 24 hours attention, you need to find someone to be there. When she is combative and can wander out of the house and you cannot contain her in the house. It also depends on your finances - do you have enough money to care for her? Is it more economic at home or in the nursing home? Should you prepare for the situation when she would get sicker? Do you want to choose a home so you need to be on waiting list for 6 months at most?
It is personal decision, and you need to consider all factors.
Sorry I cannot decide for you but it depends on your stress and circumstances and etc. Don't count on family members to take turns and so on. Usualy she needs only one person to depend on as her "lifeline". Hiring caregivers in the end may be helpful.
Take care,
Nina
Thank you Nina, She must be in stage 6 or 7. She is not recognising the house, she does know some personal items and furnature also the dogs. She's having difficulty using silverware - I'm going to start feeding her finger foods and shakes. She still enjoys food. I think she's starting to think I've done something to fool her or trick her when it comes too the house - where we are, who are we staying with, how far is home from here? I'm truthful and tell her it's our house and it's due to her age that she doesn't recognise things. She told me last night that I'd picked a dump to move her to. My gut says to look at nursing homes....
thank you again, you are very honest about siblings.....they rarely call
My father in law is a little better but he does not know this is his own house anymore back in 2009. He can still hold the fork and does not want to use the fork. He likes his house though. He is lonely.
Depending on how long your Mom will last in stage 6: it may take quite some time. My FIL has taken forever to be progressive and he may still hang around for some time before he reaches stage 7 or end stage.
Your Mom now gets mad at you so maybe you need to think about a home. My FIL gets mad too and he can hit his cane on the floor and yell at people if he does not like what we say. He thinks the hospital is out to kill him the last 2 times he was hospitalized.
For us, we are checking out the assisted living facility this summer because it is too expensive for us to keep him at home 24 hours and we don't live with him.
About the siblings, what I meant is even if they are eager to come to take turns, it is not how it works for dementia elder: the elder refuses any new caregiver. e.g., if she prefers you, your siblings won't be able to be accepted by her to bathe her and etc. I am not talking about if they are willing to come. If they are willing to come to help, your Mom won't accept their care at times. The elders do not like "strange invasion" of privacy.
Also if your Mom has medicare A/B, they allow the hospice to be reapplied after 6 months and etc as we can never predict the outcome - this is for stage 7 or end stage.
Take care,
Nina
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This is a really good post, Christine. The words dignity and respect stood out. To me, that has to be the foundation of caregiving, though we all fall short at times. Thanks for the reminder.
Carol