Hi Christine,

This is a great post. It is indeed a big question mark about white lies. Someitmes I wonder where the line is. From my personal experience with my FIL, I think one needs to say the lies only when it is very necessary just trying to calm him down. On the other hand, sometimes there are many situations that a caregiver or family member can choose to tell the truth or stop lying and leave it alone.

It is certainly common for a new caregiver to just cope with it not wanting trouble. So this is ok with me. But sometimes, the caregiver as the one we fired in May, would think that it is up to her to make the patient feel better. She felt sorry for him so she went along with his game of chasing ladies. The funny part is she as a child like woman playing game with him. Well, we happened to hire the naughtiest girl in the family... Anyway, I don't believe one needs to compromise and thinks she is his pal or girlfriend. Sometimes it does more harm because it gives him great disappointment or stress if it turns out not to be true. My FIL is not stupid. He can feel it.

I would just deceive when it is necessary. Of course it is hard. Sometimes some caregivers just lie to get rid of the trouble.

Thanks for the post,

Nina

Thanks Christine!  It's easy to understand why caregivers would deliberately deceive a dementia patient, given their time demands, and desire to avoid upsetting the patient.  I would hope that this practice is used sparingly, because it sometimes contradicts memories that are intact to some degree.  I believe that some of my mom's delusions are the product of those helpful little white lies.  When a memory is damaged it may be vulnerable to suggestion.  In other words, if a deceased family member is spoken of as though they are still alive, the knowledge of their death may still be prompted by another memory.  When someone offers to give the deceased person a message, it may create more confusion, or it may just be forgotten.  I'm always amazed that my mom can remember the delusions from one day to the next, but can forget my visit or a comment from a few minutes before. 

Christine Kennard

11/ 6/09 9:49am

Welcome to OurAlzheimer's.

 

Thank you for your insightful comments. I agree that telling untruths to people with Alzheimer's can potentialy cause more confusion. It is a problem and calls for thoughtful approaches.

 

Thanks Joseph

 

Christine