It is not easy going in every day watching my twin go down hill. I am there for her. Her husband is there for her. She does not remember any of us being there.It is great she has 24/7 the Nursing Home is really good to her.The hard part if her husband keeps saying how much he misses her but he could ...
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AFA Social Services Team
Thursday, March 20, 2008 at 03:22 PM
You are absolutely right Mazie. It is not an easy feat to watch a loved one decline from dementia, and I imagine that it would be more painful to see it happen to your own twin sister. Clearly, your family is dedicated towards being with her and providing her round-the-clock care, and it appears the hardest part lies in the fact that she has no recollection or complete understanding of all your efforts. I can understand the overwhelming feelings that could surface from such a situation: it's common to experience guilt, remorse, doubt, longing, and a range of other emotions. I commend you for supporting her husband in doing the right thing. This is a very painful time for him as well, and he needs the love and encouragement from others to assure him that he is on the right track. The best advice I can offer is to try to take appreciation in the small things. Although your sister may not remember your name or relation to her, does she smile or make eye contact when you enter a room? If you try to hold her hand, does she grasp back? Does she appear more talkative when in your presence? Do your visits encourage her to eat better or participate in more activities? As I am not aware of your sister's current stage of dementia, I am not entirely clear on her mental state or range of abilities. However, I do know that individuals with dementia very often exhibit positive responses when in the presence of their loved ones and tend to have a higher quality of life than individuals who never receive visits at all. It is important to allow your expectations to change gradually over time. Although your sister may not be the same woman you once knew, you can still delight in her company and vice versa. Although she may not be able to express her gratitude quite the same, I wholeheartedly believe that your efforts are appreciated more than you realize.
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Sue
Friday, March 21, 2008 at 08:30 AM
Dear Mazie - Thanks so much for your post. I am a moderator for the site and can help find answers to your questions or lend a hand where I can if you like.
I am sorry for you and your family. It can be so difficult to see our loved ones as you describe your sister. I hope you have help for yourself as well - support through this is so important. If you are looking to find help for you or your brother-in-law you might look at our Caregiver Center for resources and tips for those caring for loved ones. As well, we have other resources for organizations who might be able to help.
I hope you continue to share your family's story with us - it can be a great way to help others in similar situations.
All the best, sue
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You are absolutely right Mazie. It is not an easy feat to watch a loved one decline from dementia, and I imagine that it would be more painful to see it happen to your own twin sister. Clearly, your family is dedicated towards being with her and providing her round-the-clock care, and it appears the hardest part lies in the fact that she has no recollection or complete understanding of all your efforts. I can understand the overwhelming feelings that could surface from such a situation: it's common to experience guilt, remorse, doubt, longing, and a range of other emotions. I commend you for supporting her husband in doing the right thing. This is a very painful time for him as well, and he needs the love and encouragement from others to assure him that he is on the right track. The best advice I can offer is to try to take appreciation in the small things. Although your sister may not remember your name or relation to her, does she smile or make eye contact when you enter a room? If you try to hold her hand, does she grasp back? Does she appear more talkative when in your presence? Do your visits encourage her to eat better or participate in more activities? As I am not aware of your sister's current stage of dementia, I am not entirely clear on her mental state or range of abilities. However, I do know that individuals with dementia very often exhibit positive responses when in the presence of their loved ones and tend to have a higher quality of life than individuals who never receive visits at all. It is important to allow your expectations to change gradually over time. Although your sister may not be the same woman you once knew, you can still delight in her company and vice versa. Although she may not be able to express her gratitude quite the same, I wholeheartedly believe that your efforts are appreciated more than you realize.
reply