Our culture does its best to evade death. Youth rules, and if someone gets sick there must be a cure. However, there is no cure for death from old age. The best doctor in the world will not stop the inevitable. We will all die.

Only in the last decade or so have end-of-life wishes become something discussed readily and, for some people, it's still a subject that is best avoided. It seems, for some, that discussing plans for what we'd like if we were to become unable to make medical decisions for ourselves is to bring on catastrophe. I  know many people who have not made out a will for the disposal of their assets. They just assume it will all go to the family and there is no need.

Few of these people would think of themselves as selfish, but they are. Having someone designated as Power Of Attorney for our finances, a will for distribution of assets (whether worth money or only sentiment), and a Health Directive with a Living Will, sometimes called a Durable Power Of Attorney for Health Care, is one of the greatest gifts we can give our families. These legal documents can save our loved ones no end of grief, confusion, in-fighting and second guessing should we become incapacitated or suddenly die. Once we've spelled out our wishes in legal documents, we can then get on with the business of living, knowing that we've done our bit to make our deaths easier for our loved ones.

What if your parents haven't done this legal work? It's a huge problem if the parent has been diagnosed with dementia and is in a stage where they are not competent to make decisions. You may need to have a judge decide what has to be done for them. For some of you reading this, this is where you are in the process. However, for some of you there is hope if you can only broach the subject with your elders, and get them to listen.

So, just how do we say, "Um, Dad, you're not looking so good. Have you made out your will?" That's kind of what it feels like if we, the adult children, have to bring the subject up. Yet sometimes we must do just that. Sometimes our elders need a nudge to get the legal work done.

One step I recommend to people is to say conversationally to one's elders, "I read about a guy about my age who was in a car accident and his family is scrambling. He's on life support and they don't know what to do. I don't want my family in that situation, so I'm seeing an estate attorney next week to get a Power Of Attorney, a will and a health directive written up. This is going to bug me until I do it."

Make sure you've made an appointment with an attorney before you bring it up. Don't try to fudge. You aren't lying about reading about someone in that condition. Who hasn't read such a story? But an appointment must be made so with an estate attorney so you are telling the truth.

When your parents hear you talking about making such a move, it's not at all a stretch to think that they may say, "Who are you seeing? We need to do that." They may even ask if you will go along with them when they do the work.