When my mother made the decision, after yet another fall that shook her sense of safety, to move to the nursing home where my dad lived, my whole family was relieved. I'd received some pressure from siblings to get her to move, but I felt since I was here to keep an eye on her, it would be far better if the decision came from her.

However, as soon as the words were out of her mouth, I was on the phone getting her room arranged. I knew that because of chronic falls and advancing dementia, this move was our best option. By the end of the day, she was in the same home as Dad.

We couldn't get her into a private room right away, so she spent a couple of weeks with a roommate (Dad was in a private room). Strangely, this didn't go too badly, likely because she knew it was temporary. Within two weeks a private room became available so we moved her up one floor and into her new room. That is when her behavior changed.

Mom had always been a clean freak.  She'd kept an immaculate the house, and I had helped her keep her apartment clean - much cleaner than my own house, I'll have to say. She also loved her daily shower and was very particular about her clothes.

After the move to her new room, I noticed on my daily visits that she was wearing the same clothes each day. The laundry was fast about getting clothes back, but I knew they weren't this fast. About the third day after her move, I noticed Mom didn't smell any too fresh. It was evident that she was wearing the same unwashed clothes each day. This was totally the opposite of her natural behavior.

Her phone wasn't yet hooked up, and that was her lifeline to her friends. She'd endured two moves - one from her own apartment, and then again from her double room to her private one. That's a lot of change for anyone, let alone someone with her problems. I was aware that not only was she more negative than usual, she was depressed.

Depression Can Be Circumstantial or Clinical and Chronic

I'd had some experience with clinical depression, as I have a family member with this chronic disease. Medication and/or counseling can be used to treat depression, and clinical depression often requires both.

For mom, my sense that she was depressed was on target. I discussed it with the nurse on her floor and we both felt that her depression was circumstantial and that it would lift - especially when a private room opened up on the same floor as dad. We were right and Mom came out of her depression.

However, not all elder depression will clear up on its own. The indignities of an aging body can cause many people to slump into chronic depression where medical help is needed. Even more often, the death of a spouse sends an elder into clinical depression.

If you spot a newly widowed elder not caring about life at all, please try to get that person medical help. Maybe grief counseling will do the job, but sometimes they need medication or ongoing counseling.  We all grieve differently, and we need to give elders time to grieve the loss of a spouse in his or her own way. But we also need to keep any eye out for danger signs, because extreme self-neglect, or even suicide, can be the result of depression.