Carol,
I did have a friend whose Mom was like that. Her Mom had some operation and right after the surgery, her Mom was in this dementia state. They left her in a nursing home and saw her often. Now they both passed away (my friend went before her Mom and her Mom left soon afterwards. Sometimes I wonder if there is a call from heaven...)
Surgery is not something to undertake lightly. My father-in-law is so old that he can no longer have any major surgery.
Nina
Dealing my dad who has dementia has been hard on the whole family. As a family we've taken two different approaches. I continue to encourage my girls to visit and interact with their grandfather as much as possible. I find my youngest daughter is always keeping a careful eye on him so that he doesn't wander. She will sit on his lap, encourage him to take her to the park, share about her day and ask him about his.
My brother on the other had does not let him kids visit or talk to their granddad. It's almost like he thinks dementia is contagious. Given that my dad is still in the earliest stages, his kids are missing out on the funny stories he still tells, the quick wit that he still exhibits and the opportunity to know their granddad before this insidious disease progresses further.
It makes me sad, but we all make our choices how we deal with dementia and it's affect on our families. For now, my choice is to allow my kids to know their grandpa in health and in sickness.
You are so wise, Hannah. These years won't come again and it's good for the grandchildren to see their grandfather, even with dementia. Your brother and his kids are missing out on an important life lesson.
I imagine your brother's thinking is that he wants his kids to remember him like he "was." That is common, and not bad, but reality is reality. They won't forget the previous years just because he's changed.
Take care and congratulations on your good sense.
Carol
I have a friend whose grandmother is suffering from dementia. It has been very hard for their family. She does not remember anyone and needs 24 hour assistance. I did not realize how fast dementia can spread and the affect it can have.
You may be able to help your friend by sharing information, but especially by letting her know that you are there to listen. Watching someone we love decline mentally is one of the hardest things we who have "been there" have ever done. You friend is going through a terribly hard time. Giving her information and support - but mostly a shoulder to cry on - is important. Thanks for being a good friend.
Carol
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Thanks for this sharepost. How children and teens cope will ahve a lot to do with the support parents give them
Christine