Most of us know a version of the saying that while we are busy planning our lives, life happens. We’re aware, at least as we mature, that our Plan A hasn’t happened and likely won’t. A version of Plan B may be happening, but again, it’s likely that even Plan B is different than what we thought it could be. That’s why life is an ever unfolding journey.
We never know what’s around the corner other than that it likely means change. And generally, people who live with some sense of serenity are those who can best cope with change. Two new books illuminate the road for those of us going through tough times that often demand constant change. Both books are worth reading for the compassion, support and practical ideas they provide.
Living with brain disease
In “Understanding with Compassion: Help of Loved Ones and Caregivers of a Brain Illness Patient,” by Joni James Aldrich and Neysa M. Peterson, RN, MS, you will meet two women who’ve undergone the struggle of caring for a loved one with brain disease such as cancer or Alzheimer’s. They’ve join forces to write a practical and inspirational guide for others.
The authors take readers from the shock of reality, when signs of brain disease first become evident, through stages of living with the disease, and onward, including steps caregivers can use to help themselves heal from the exhausting, but often rewarding journey with their loved one.
The book offers ways to cope with changes in personality, behavior, emotions and loss of social inhibitions that your loved one is likely to experience. The personal nature of each chapter gives the book authenticity and weight.
The authors share the “if only” moments most caregivers experience. They share their triumphs and regrets, as well as practical advice about legal documents, home environment and relationship issues.
In Aldrich’s introduction, she says poignantly, “If I had known what I know now, I could have changed to adapt to a different Gordon. I would have stopped more often and simply listened.”
While Aldrich felt there wasn’t enough practical information to help her cope with the changes in her husband – and she aims in this book to fill in that gap for others – she also recognizes that she would have been, at times, less task oriented and more focused on the moment.
Caregivers seek education and information so that we can be the best caregivers possible, but we also need to take time to love and admire the person as he or she is now – at this time. Our loved ones didn’t choose this disease that has change his or her personality.
This doesn’t mean the caregiver should be ignored, however. Aldrich takes the reader through healing steps, and ends with this message: “Above all else, do not curl up and wither away. You are still alive.”
“Understanding with Compassion,” is available at www.jonialdrich.com and on Amazon.com.
