Carol, I love the idea pf adult day care center. But when an Alzheimer's patient is antisocial, I am not sure how it would work for them. Does that help to try and see?
In my father-in-law's case, he is getting sicker and harder to go to a group in public. Yet he is lonely in his house with his caregivers whom he considers just workers, not friends. But he has never wanted to go to any day care or therapy although he politely said ok he would think about one of the senior centers in 2005. At that time he relied on his lady friend for social activities. He just wanted to marry or write papers with my husband (which is nonsense and impossible given that he has forgotten what he used to reseach about most of the times now.) Now he knows he cannot have the hope to marry although he may like to hit on ladies of his own kind (white ladies; he knows he does not want black ladies who are his caregivers.) But he is focusing on my husband hoping he can help him and write things together. He kind of knows that there is nothing to write for him anymore but he does not give it up. Now he just talks about it for 10 minutes sometimes and forget about it the next day. However this is his only purpose of living for now. Although our being in the same house with him helps, he still wants that purpose. I hope when he goes to the nursing home when he is sicker, he would find some ladies as friends there.
This is sad but I know that adult day center is not for everyone. Even my own Dad who is great in his mind would not want to (he goes to church with my sisters and plays golf with my brothers-in-law anyway.) It is the pride.
Nina
You are on top of things, as usual, Nina. My dad wouldn't have done well in a center, either, but his dementia was surgery induced, so it was different. Some people surprise you when you get them in a center, some take time to adjust and then enjoy it. Others never adjust. Also, each center is different. I just reasearched some in my area for a newspaper story, and I chose three very different centers - one with mostly dementia patients - attached to a nursing home. One is a private home, and one that was free-standing with all kinds of technology and such, as they also have younger clients with brain injuries.
If he will go and try it, maybe it's worth a shot. But you may just be looking at watching him the way he is until he is ready for a nursing home. The thing is, in a center or nursing home ( a good one) he would have the stimulation of others his own age. As you say, the way he is now, he just wants to "work" with your husband.
It's all very hard, Nina, as you know. There is not formula.
Take care, and keep in touch,
Carol
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Hi, Carol --- I'm so glad you brought this topic to the attention of your readers. My husband, who now resides in a small board and care home in Tustin, California, went to Adult Day Services of Orange County in Huntington Beach for several years and loved it. He was "volunteering," and his willingness to do so allowed me to teach for another two years. Luckily, we have a wonderful transportation system here in Orange County called ACCESS, a small bus service that picked up Dick at our curb in the morning, drove him to Huntington Beach for the day and then returned him home in the afternoon --- all for $5.00 a day. Unbelieveable!!! It almost makes me not mind paying my taxes! :) At the center, he was involved in many activities which were, I believe, responsible for keeping the ravages of Alzheimer's at bay for a bit longer than might otherwise have happened. At the moment, ten years after his diagnosis at age 55, he can no longer benefit from such a program, but while he was there, it was a beautiful experience and one I highly recommend for those caregivers in need of some "me" time and who loved ones need more social stimulation.
Thanks again for your articles --- all of which I have found quite interesting in my quest to be the best caregiver I can to my husband. Placing him in a board and care, as you can well imagine, was very, very difficult. But it is proving to be the best decision for both of us. I take him out on our adventures three or four times a week for a few hours each time. He loves it, and so do I even though I am now just one to the "nice ladies" who care for him. But the fact that he has no idea who I am or where he lives does not spoil the enjoyment I get in his company now that I'm not caring for him 24/7. Life is better --- much better.
Teri Bailey
Bless you, Teri. You have traveled (and are traveling) this difficult journey with your husband, giving him such compassion and care without distroying yourself. You show no bitterness, though there have had to be "why us?" times. When the time came for him to have full-time care, you knew it was for his sake as well as yours. You are so wise. Thanks for reading and please check in whenever you feel like it.
Take care,
Carol
PS to my comment below.
Having him "volunteer" was brilliant!
Best,
C