Therefore, I did my best for all. On holiday mornings, I brought the treats to the nursing home for breakfast, the kids visited and, as I mentioned, my sister and her kids visited late in the afternoon. Mom and Dad ate their Thanksgiving meal together in the dining room, or in one of their private rooms, depending on how they felt. The following day, I would bring turkey sandwiches, which was Mom's favorite, on bread she loved, with cranberries and black olives, when I went for my daily visit. I then started decorating their rooms for Christmas and made plans to help Mom with Christmas cards.

But our holiday meals - the main event - for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, were served at my home with my kids and my sister's family. I needed to make memories for my children which included the elders. But I did not want to have all of their memories to be nursing home memories. They needed to be kids and deserved some time for a home celebration.

My kids learned a lot during all of the years of elder care. They shared me with their elders with little protest, and visited the nursing home regularly. Most of it was good. Some was not. But I did my best to not send the message that they were less important to me than their grandparents. I did my best to give them some memories of home holidays, like I still have from my childhood. The balancing act was very tricky. I failed at the perfection I sought. It took years, but eventually I learned that what I did simply had to be good enough. It was all I could do. Alas, I'm a caregiver, but I'm also human.

If all were not pleased all the time, I'm sorry. I did my best.

To learn more about Carol, please go to http://www.mindingourelders.com/ or http://www.mindingoureldersblogs.com/.