Alzheimer’s and Alcoholism: How to Cope

Thank you for your kind words.

Most alcoholics are wonderful people. They happen to have a disease that can make them much less than what they actually are. Thank God your parents' doctor understands. This is not discussed often enough which is why I get many personal emails on the subject. Few people write about Alcoholism and dementia, so they uncover me on the internet. The stigma and lack of understanding are likely two reasons the subject is so elusive.

Take care of yourself, and hopefully something will happen that your parents can get some type of recovery before full-blown dementia disables them both. Carol

It's sad that his doctors don't realize that his alcoholism is a disability.

 He does have dual problems, as do many alcoholics. Please do go back to Al-Anon. the people and the program will help you cope. It's awful to watch an addicted person self-destruct. Yet, you are right. He has to be ready in order to be helped. Some people never are.

I hope that the therapist is also schooled in AA. Treatment twice? Maybe a third time will do it. But he has to be ready.

Blessings to you. You are compassionate and you care. You know this isn't a moral failing of his, but you can't fix it for him either. I'm glad you know where to go. Please let me know how you are doing.

Carol

Carol:

Thank you for your reply.  I am so grateful to be finding all of these outlets to vent MY frustration with this situation.  I know that I can't fix him, but I would be willing to do whatever I needed to if I could.  He will run out of money eventually and I guess then he will hit the "rock bottom" that I keep hearing about with addicts.  That is, of course, if he lives that long.  Lucky for me that I went through the family program during his first 30 day program and I learned a lot about alcoholism and myself.  We grew up with an alcoholic father, but both of my brothers (2 years and 4 years younger) do not remember it the way I do.  They both have been or are alcoholics.  My younger brother quit on his own about 14 months ago and seems to be doing well.

As far as his doctors, I believe that some of them do view the alcoholism as a disability but unfortunately his disability carrier nor Social Security do.

Again, thank you for the article, and thank you for caring enough to reply to my comment.  I know that I am not the only person to have to deal with this, but I do get overwhelmed at times with the stress of knowing and seeing what he is doing to himself and I FEEL like I am the only one a lot of the time.  I have a wonderful and very supportive husband that I don't know what I would have done without over the last 2 years while I have been trying to help my brother.  I also have a wonderful church family that are there for me whenever I need a shoulder.  I also have an older sister (different dads) that lives in Michigan that I am very very close to and she is my biggest source of comfort and advice for what I should do when my husband is not available.

Sorry for the rambling, but I just really appreciate you bearing with me.

Cindy

Cindy, it's so sad that people won't talk about this issue. There's shame for many, and it shouldn't be that way. Addiction is a disease. But I've been told that I'm one of the few people online who will discuss this (especially with elderly parents). There are scholarly papers, of course, and studies, but that is different.

There is so much helplessness in watching someone you love go downhill - waiting for that bottom to come and praying it won't be too deep. But we never know. Please feel free to contact me any time. A listening ear can help, as can writing it down. You've already discovered that: )

 I'm glad you have so much support.

Blessings,

Carol

Carol:

I had correspondended with you about my frustration with my brother and his addiction to alcohol earlier this year.  I am sad to report to you that my brother lost his battle with alcoholism in late July.  I found him deceased in his bathroom floor.  So, alcohol 1, Cindy 0.  I am now the executor of his estate and am doing the best I can with going on with life without my brother, whom I loved dearly, but glad to not have to deal with the alcoholic side that I HATED!

Cindy

I'm so sorry alcoholism won another victim, Cindy. You seem to know that it was the disease that made him act the way you hated. Your brother, you loved.

Take care of yourself. You were wonderful to do everything you did, but no one could do it for him.

Blessings,

Carol

Under these circumstances, you did the right thing with his money. He wants to stop drinking but he has a disease - alcoholism. AA is fantastic, but since he may be too far into dementia to remember things, it's hard to tell how much that can help unless he goes through detox and treatment.

Is he a veteran? The VA is used to handling these circumstances. They may be able to get him into treatment/AA and some housing.

You are wonderful in understanding that he is not doing this on purpose. It's hard to tell is the memory problems are blackouts from alcohol or if they are dementia. He needs a physical by a doctor who knows alcoholism and dementia.

My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. That's why I write about this issue - so people know there are others coping with this problem. Have you gone to Al-Anon?

Please do check with the VA if he is a veteran. If not, try to find a doctor who can get him into treatment for his alcoholism. You will likely have to find a new home for him, unless you/he can pay the AL while he is in treatment. They may be more willing to keep him if he does get treatment for alcoholism. If the doctor thinks he's so far into dementia that treatment won't work, then he can advise you. A nursing home may be in order.

Whatever happens, if he is taken off alcohol, he will likely need medical treatment, as this will be a shock to his body.

Take care of yourself, too.

Carol

Carol,  Thank you so much for getting back with me on my concerns with my Dad!  You don't know how alone I feel and how unsure I am in dealing with my dad.  So for me to find you online was such a blessing.

You had mentioned getting him a Dr. who is familiar with the Alz. and Achohol.  Who would I look for in the yellow pages?  And yes, he was in the military.  He had the opportunity to go to AA but forgets to go even when I remind him that day.  The center will take him twice a week but he forgets to go.  I really feel that he is not pretending to forget because of all the other things he can't remember. I will check with the dr. to find out his opinion about weather or not he can benefit from going in his mental condition.

Who do I talk to about detox?  He has not had a drink for 3 days (unless he drank late at night, which is a possibility).  He also wanted to take the aniabuse pill that will make him sick if he drinks.  What is your opinion on that?  Do you think it will help him not to drink or will it cause him more harm thn good?

Thank you so much for your help Carol.

Please try your veterans center. They handle these things a lot, including antabuse. Alcoholic veterans usually get treatment and it seems like your dad actually wants to quit but can't. That is the disease.

Maybe if he gets treatment he can get what he needs from support and AA. Definitely contact the VA and let me know how it goes. He's lucky to have you.

Carol