Preserving Your Loved One's Dignity

What is right? What is best? What would they have wanted us to do, if they could observe us from their true selves? Life doesn’t hand us a road map. We have to make new decisions each day.

I had to ask myself, was I making the decision to stay away from a situation Dad may enjoy – was I making it for myself? Did I just want to avoid the stares? Is that right? Was I really doing it for him? Whose pain is this?

Most of the time, I decided it was mine. So I sucked it up and took him out in public. I did what I could to help him live that day. But, I was never totally sure. I knew many of his old friends didn’t visit, because they couldn’t stand to see the changes in him. They wanted to remember him as he had been.

How do we give someone with dementia a quality life today, while preserving their innate dignity? We often can’t. That’s part of the cruelty of dementia. We just have to live with it. We have to do our best. It’s all we can do.

Tell us what you think in the message boards.

Learn more about treatment for Alzheimer's disease.