Not all young people will react the same way. Some, who have been in caregiving situations for what seems like their whole lives, will be resentful. I don't know that it's that much different than a child who is raised with a handicapped sibling. The person who has special needs - whether an elder, a parent or a sibling - gets the lion's share of the family's attention.
Some children's personalities respond by getting engrossed in the process and feeling fed by the rewards of caregiving. Others respond by feeling neglected by his or her parents. They may understand why the parents have little time for them, but that doesn't mean that the "well" child doesn't feel neglected. This can even happen with spouses, so why not children?
My oldest son needed to take the backseat, at times literally, to his younger brother, as my youngest son has many health issues. Both of my sons had to occasionally have their needs put on the back burner, as our elders' issues became more demanding. We all had to give. We all had to cope.
The AFA survey wasn't huge, but their sample says that nearly 90% of the teens in these sandwich generation families visit and entertain a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, and 85% pay visits to those with the disease.
My oldest son would bring his clarinet to the nursing home to play for Grandma and Grandpa. Both kids would bring school projects. Sometimes the visits were lovingly planned. Other times they were a "duty." Seeing their grandparents in the different stages of dementia was very painful, and kids are kids. Each son was different and each went through stages. But they did visit. They did entertain. That was part of what being in our family entailed.
The AFA survey found that caregivers want more education and support for themselves and/or their children. That, too, isn't surprising. Education helps, when it comes to caring for a loved one with a disease. Education also helps when trying to help children respond to and cope with a beloved grandparent in decline. Support groups help. Counseling can help. When years of a child's life are taken up with caregiving, it's bound to change who they are. Outside resources can be a big plus.
Having children help as caregivers, in the sandwiched families, truly helps the parents and the elder, especially if the child has a willing nature. If the child is resentful, then it can also create problems. However, most kids seem willing to help in some fashion, and all caregivers can benefit from nearly any help they can get.
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