Different Dementias, Different Approaches: Part I

Carol Bradley Bursack is Answering questions Caregiver Author, blogger and eldercare columnist For over twenty years author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley... Send Message Subscribe: Carol Bradley Bursack

Monday, October 02, 2006
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Do we redirect? Do we distract? Do we join them in their world? Those are questions we caregivers constantly wrestle with. Which is best for this person? Which is best for this time of day? Which is best for where they, mentally, are now? While I’ve had several elderly friends with Alzheimer’s d...

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I'm lost,Carol. I don't know which way is best for my hubby.
Lana Craft
Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 10:59 PM

I'm STILL confused even tho his diagnosis is Vascular Dementia. He forgets he had his meals. He repeats things over & over again. He buys on a 'whim'. Has a closet full of clothes but never enough,he thinks,& off to Academy we go.I HATE to tell him "NO" so I go along with it. The closet can't hold another item & at THIS moment he's lookin' at Academy sports.

He has a double whamie.......he has lost over 40 % of lung power due to some kinda 'blunt force trauma' years ago which was discovered last yr. Consequently,Carol,I'm dealin' with TWO very different problems. I'd lay my life down for him(we'llb e married 50 yrs on April 18th,but I can't help him except to walk this walk & smother him with all my love. He's always been a very proud,INDEPENDENT man. Please,tell me how to proceed,will you? Thanks you Lana Craft

re: I'm lost,Carol. I don't know which way is best for my hubby.
Carol Bradley Bursack
Friday, March 13, 2009 at 03:34 PM

You have a huge challenge, but you aren't lost. Your instincts are perfect. Walking his walk is the right attitude. Obviously, there will be times where you can't do what he wants and that's going to be so hard. I cried many times over my dad's frustration - the things I couldn't "fix." It happens, it will continue to happen to you.

Do your best and understand that your best is as good as it can get. Get as much help as you can with this, as you will wear out. If you get sick, then what?

I know it's easier said than done, but please try to get help so you can get away from it from time to time. Can he do Adult Day Care? That is sometimes a good option.

Blessings,

Carol