The Many Costs of Long-Term Care

She’d then go on a guilt trip. I’d tell her that the money was there to take care of her. That it was okay. It’s just how things worked out. But it pained her so. She was frustrated that she wouldn’t have anything to leave her kids and grandkids. That monthly check loomed large in her mind.

Sometimes we could go a couple of months without this painful scenario, because she’d lose track of time. But then something would trigger her money memory, and I’d have to drag out all the files and show her, again, what was happening to her money.

The last months of her life, as her money ran out, she and Dad moved into a double room, together. Shortly after, he died. Mom died soon after that, and was only on Medicaid a short while, during which time I was buying her clothes, and footing the bill for the gifts she loved to give – which I could ill afford. However, it was the only way to give her peace. I had to help her think she had money until the end.

We are all facing unimaginable costs as we live longer and often live that way in poor health. Laws will continue to change. We need to educate ourselves about the complicated and unpleasant aspects of aging in poor health. It could happen to any one of us, at any time.

The whole money thing still colors the memories I have of my mother’s last years. It’s painful. But, we did our best. I believe strongly in paying my own way. So did my parents. But the cost of care, as we all live longer, is mind boggling. While I’d love to leave my kids something when I’m gone, I know that is unlikely. I just wonder how I’ll pay my own way while I’m alive.

For more information about Carol go to www.mindingourelders.com or www.mindingoureldersblogs.com.