While I was caring for Joe, my childless aunt and uncle came to live in our town to be with family. My uncle’s health was deteriorating. Not long after Joe died, my uncle had a massive stroke. My parents could still help with caregiving, so I needed to help them all, but didn’t have total responsibility. Stay even with sanitation and add points for energy levels.

Within weeks of my uncle’s stroke, my aunt died. It turned out her exhaustion was caused by a body full of cancer. My parents could still handle much of the load. Add one point for sanitation and lose a bit of energy.

My dad had brain surgery which corrected the fluid build-up problem in his brain (he’d had a brain injury in WWII and had scar tissue) but the surgery left him with severe dementia. He went into the same nursing home as my uncle. Add many points for sanitation and drop way down on energy.

My uncle died. Lose points for sanitation and gain a small amount of energy with one less to care for.

My mother had a hip replaced (her second). I was on-call to help her shower and dress and I needed to drive her and take her to appointments and take her to see Dad. She never fully recovered. Then she began falling more and more as her arthritis got worse. She showed signs of memory failure. My father-in-law got sick and needed my help until he died. My mother-in-law got dementia. I helped everyone by going to three homes/apartments many times a day. My son was being diagnosed with several illnesses, starting with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Gain many more points for sanitation; lose many, many points for energy.

My mother went into the same nursing home as my dad. Lose sanitation points and gain a little energy.

My mother-in-law went into the same facility as my dad and mom. Lose sanitation points and gain a little more energy.

My mother-in-law died. Lose sanitation points; gain a little energy.

My dad died. Lose more sanitation points; gain some energy.

My mother died. Lose more sanitation points; gain more energy.

Seven people and two decades of caring for elders. When I didn’t handle it well, take care of myself and remember that I had a job – which was far too often – my energy levels were dangerously low. It still goes on with my son, even though he’s in his twenties. We hope and pray he will, eventually, become independent, even with all of his health problems. Steady sanitation points; energy level depends on the day and Adam’s health.

Does Carrie the Caregiver do better with her charges than Carol has done and is doing with hers? You’ll have to play the game. Maybe you can help Carrie find a better balance than Carol the Caregiver has. I certainly hope so.

Carol the caregiver likes to think she’s learned a few things. I’m not sure she has, but she’s working on it.

For more information about Carol go to www.mindingourelders.com or www.mindingoureldersblogs.com.