I can fully relate to your sentiments about elderspeak and babytalk. I take offense whenever someone addresses in an informal manner which is too personal. My biggest peeve is having a young waitress or cashier or whoever address my husband and I as "you guys". I, too, cringe, and have to stop myself from from saying, "I am not a guy!"
Having gotten that out of the way must say that lately I have started referring to people as "Sweetie" and I HATE it! I don't know why I have started calling people I don't know that...I wonder if it's not that I have heard it so much myself that I just eased right into using the term. It is a habit I am ging to break! Thank you so much for this enlightening blog.
I do think it's because we hear it so much it becomes normal. That's why I get "hon" and try not to judge people because of it. But I do think society needs to be aware of how this sounds as people get older. And it's more serious when they are in need of care. We have to watch our boundaries, and what we call people is part of that.
Best,
Carol
Two years ago, at 65 I had a knee replacement. I was in what they termed "occupational therapy". A lady pushed me up to some flowers and said, as if I were an idiot; "Can you pick off the dead leaves." I shocked her when I responded with; "I may not be as smart as you, but I do have a 125 I.Q." Startled she responded with,"Oh! I'm sorry." <Br> Last year my 61 year old brother-in-law had a stroke and died 4 months later. I got fed up hearing the nurses talk to him. I told them he had perfect hearing and was an executive for an electric company and is far smarter than you'll ever be. They got the message and started to talk to him knowing he knew what was going on.
Carol,
This is interesting. I do know that my FIL wants to read books or watch TV programs that are for adults. When the young cargiver showed him the kids' cartoon/magazine, he would think that the caregiver wanted to watch it... The cartoons such as the Simpsons or Family guys are for adults so those are better for him. The elders are adults and they have had a life time of experience so we should still treat them with respect.
It is funny that you talked about the honey episode. I know a small cafe owner who always talked to me like "hi little sister..." I complained to her and she was like oh in her culture, she could not call me Miss... Well I don't go there anymore. She is not even my relative!
I think they talk like that because they themselves have some ego issue. Or it may just be a bad habit... Well in some culture, it is a habit to talk down to the youngsters or people who look younger. I do look very young although I am in the 50s.
Anyway, For the elders with Alzheimer's, it is harder because they are not kids. For kids, you can just change diapers, but for my FIL, it is like the end of the world for him and he needs antipsychotic drug for toileting.
I think it is really hard for the elders to accept that they are declining with dementia and are becoming less significant. I can tell my FIL still has this posture that indicates that he is the elder with authority. Even though he cannot walk now, he still tries to make it look like everything is fine. (I think he forgot he cannot walk for a short time.)
Thanks for the tips,
Nina
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2013 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
10 Signs of Alzheimer's 
10 Ways to Protect Your Brain Against Alzheimer’s 
10 Things to Do After an Alzheimer's Diagnosis 
Seven Facts You Should Know About Alzheimer's Disease 
Yes, it's very irritating. I don't look my age, but still it's irritting when someone half my age talks to me like this. I can see how it would irritate someone who has already given up a lot of personal power and finds themself in a nursing home.
I think it's a matter of perception, and changing times. I remember my Aunt hating it when they called her by her first name at the driveup teller window! She was in her 80s and used to Mrs.
However, when you look at an elder in decline, and then see them spoken to in ways often used for children, lights start to come on. It's not all black and while, but awareness is always good.
Thanks for your comment.
Carol