Memorials and Mementos Hold Deep Meaning for Caregivers

Thanks so much for posting your personal recollection with us.  I have lots of things  - furniture, collectibles, etc - from my grandparents and even my parents after they downsized to a smaller apartment.  I want my kids to know these possessions as part of their history - and be able to "know" the people that held them.

I am planning to add a square to the quilt - is anyone else out there?  If so, tell us about it - or better yet attach a piture of it so we can all see.

All the best, sue

Thanks Carol for another great piece. 

 I loved your "Minding Our Elders" as well, when can we have another book ..? 

Thanks again,

SJ

Carol I have talked to you a lot I just read your story about your grand father. You know I am the caregiver for my husband who is a 20 and 12 days Army disabled vietnam veteran. He recieves all his medical care from the VA. If any of you ever go to the VA hospital in your area you would be touched and saddened by the amount of Soldiers now both old and young that are filling these hospitals up. The older ones are being housed there for many reason, everytime I go there I meet somone new and their stories will break your heart. The first time my husband was hospitalized there it was for an extensive stay due to complications from a heart attack. When you go there and you are a smoker(yes very bad for us) you meet a lot of different people and you make a lot of friends during one of these occassion I was shocked when first they met me and then once Ray was better they met him. I was ask a question I will never forget as long as I live. When they met Ray and saw that he was a double amputee they were so shocked some being amputtes themselves and finding he had lost both legs to PAD. When I talked about him before he was well enough to come out side I never mentioned it because to me I have never seen him as anything but whole the man I love and married. To this day if I am beside him and bump his chair I still say I'm sorry thinking I bumped one of his legs that are no longer there and that is how I talk about him not his disability. The very kind people that prayed with me and was pulling right along with me for him to recover finally got to meet him. One man spoke for several after he had gone back inside and ask me the question. " Why don't you divorce him? He lost his legs he's not whole" I was totally at a loss for words and just stood there for a moment when again I was ask and then told "Why don't you leave him like our wives left us?" I immediately told them I didn't marry his legs I married his heart. Why don't we as a society see what disabled people really are not a drain on us but loved ones that have given so much and recieved so little. For those of you that don't know it there are things you should know about our government. I am an american and I do love my country but we have and are doing a real disservice to our veterans and their families. 1. A 100% disabled verteran who also retired after twenty years of service is not allowed to draw both pays. The VA deducts your verterans disabilty from  your retirement and then the Government deducts your retirement from your VA check minus your social security Pay. Then they expect them to live on this. 2. Families are dumping these soldiers in there and just show up on pay day. 3. When you go there to see the doctor you never know who you are going to get. Some times you get lucky and get a great Doctor, but they don't stay. The pay is substandard and working conditions are even worse. 4. Our Government is to tied up in spending money on pretty exteriors and are falling short on improving the quality of care. I want quality and clean not pretty to look at. 5. The older the veteran gets the less they seem concerned about extending life and them becoming more disposable. These men and women  have fought for our rights, who is fighting for thier rights other then the loved ones that don't think of them as a pay check and keep them on life support so they don't lose the money.  6. And god help them when they are diagnoised with alzheimers. They refuse any and all motorized wheel chairs even from early on set. Again case in point, my husband double amputee that also has congestive heart failure and COPD, no more power chair, the reason they don't want to be sued if that patient gets worse and wanders during late stages. There is no signing a release of liability they don't have one. No we'll reevaluate as this disease progressess no nothing the chair goes. As a care giver you know this is possible but what about before that stage. We have to child or I should say Alzheimer's proof our houses any way. If it is going to happen taking thier chair won't stop them, yes it will slow them down but so are people who have one or both legs. I know not all communities have the tracking braclets but ours does these are free and necessary. You do not know when or where this disease will worsen and you only thave to turn your back for a second. The VA needs to stop humilating and taking away from these veterans and thier families. I know most of the people that read this hasn't got the time and isn't VA connected and they are dealing with so much right now but if you aren't and if you can visit one of these hospitals. You will be shocked, even if you don't smoke please find a way to meet and talk to these old soldiers they have a wealth of information and are mostly sad lonely people that would love even just five minutes of your time. We are again sending our young people off to fight a war. We have even younger veterans filling up these hospitals, you see famillies with young children as they are now fighting a system that is so flawed it's almost impossible to recieve care and an even longer wait to recieve the disability pay they should be recieving even though it is such a little amount. Don't get me wrong there are some great benefits but the less you know about the programs the less you recieve. Case in point after my husbands first heart attack 6 months after we were married he was considered uninsurable. He recovered after the first heart attack and went back to work after fighting the military to stay in for thirty years. They don't want pilots that have a bad heart not even as he wanted to be a teacher for what he had been trained in during his time in service. He went to work for a government agency repairing the helicopters he had worked on while active and flew. He was never allowed to fly again but he was OK with that. He worked again for many years at this company until he lost his legs. Then it's diabilty through his army career and VA and SSI, minus all their deductions. Thinking he still had his VA life insurance and then finding out when you become 100% disabled you don't have to pay premiums any more. I went to check on it and found out the time to apply had elasped and he no longer had life insurance because he didn't convert it. After a year passes you aren't allowed to apply for it. I have had to learn so much about the army, Va, and now alzheimers. I have an associate degree in business but navigating these worlds is almost like speaking a foreign language. I am 56 years old and still learning. I plan on one day being able to go to the VA and helping these old soldier and young ones in any form I can. I love my husband and we have been through so much but instead of sitting around having a huge pity party my eyes are wide open and when the love of my life leaves the pain and heart ache he is suffering now ends, I will grieve but i will survive and make it my mission in life to finish out my days helping others. I may return to school but I will be found as much as possible helping these veterans that loved ones aren't there any more for what ever reason and the young ones coming in injured and trying to open doors that keep getting slammed in their faces. Connie, caregiver of an old soldier,very proud american, my hero and husband.